Hi Abubin,

I don’t feel it is wrong in any way to feel intense emotion and in a way it can be healthy. However, my Dad, who was a very wise man said that it is when we let anger (resentment, guilt, envy, shame) keep a hold of us for a length of time it eats away at our insides. It makes us cynical, bitter people. Who wants to go around in life holding onto anger when there is so much beauty in this world that we are losing out on, when we are holding onto feelings that are no longer serving a purpose? You have been holding onto this anger for quite a long time, and it has got a grip on you, it has to have a place to go, or it will eat away at you. Don’t you want to see what is right around the corner? When we are holding onto anger and other feelings that No longer benefit us, we fail to see what might be right in front of us. Sometimes we just have to tell anger “okay anger, I have had enough of you!! I have been holding onto you too long. Write a letter, don’t mail it..just get it out once and for all, or it will poison you, and make you very cynical. I know people who like my Dad said have harbored anger and grudges so long, they are no longer the people they used to be. No one wants to be around an angry person all the time. Yes, anger is good, but up to a point, but when you let it fester, and fester, it will slowly eat away at you. It’s not healthy. You have been unhappy and angry too long. That is why I feel that you would benefit from help and guidance from a counseled trained in this. It’s time to let go of something that has gotten a hold of us for way too long, so I will have to respectfully disagree with the poster above. I hope everything works out for you, and you can find that special someone, but unless the anger goes, you will not find beauty, only bitterness. No one should live like this. Take care of yourself and your health..

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Eliana.

Hi Abubin,

I know it is alot easier said than done trying to let go of the anger, as I have been there many times. I just am concerned about what the stress of holding on to it might do to your health. There has to be some way to be able to cope with these intense emotions. For me, it has been mood regulation medication, DBT (mindfulness) therapy and my 12 step support program. Called “Emotions Anonymous”. I live in a small town, no face to face meetings, so I do phone groups twice a week. These have been a Godsend to me, in managing my emotions, almost better than therapy. The people are so kind, warm and loving, and make you feel welcomed, like you belong and accepted. It will in time feel like a 2nd home to you. Some people choose a sponsor to work the 12 steps, some don’t. I did have a sponsor until step 4, but with health problems, could not keep up with her homework assigments. Still the phone groups, have been amazing. They have a website of you want to look to see if they have face to face meetings in your area, if not, phone groups. It’s emotions Anonymous dot org. There is some literature, though it is not a requirement. My sponsor was like a mentor and “life coach” I really miss her and our talks. You can also find times of phone meetings on there. They have meetings during the days and evenings and weekends. Some have 12 people with a moderator, some 25 people who call in all over the world.

Another helpful resource is a pastor..or a support group of some kind. I hope this helps a little.

Hi Abubin,

I’m happy to hear about the charities. That will help you focus on something and give you purpose as well as making a difference. This is very good news. However, I am confused by your post. Are you staying with your wife? Or going back to Debbie? Sorry for any confusion..are you saying you are working things out with your wife?

Hi Abubun,

I’m not getting a good feeling about all this, but know you are doing what you think is best. I worry about the children. I do hope you will post again, with any updates. I wish you happiness on your new journey.

Hi Abubin,

She has treated you badly for so long, over and over, it’s time just to let her go now. She is not at the level where she can be “reasoned” with or “have closure with” and will only bring you further pain. You have already had closure. Her hurting you over and over and now her blocking you. She does not want to talk to you. Please..you have to let her go..or you will make yourself bitter, and it will consume you to no end. Thinking and dwelling about how awful she treated you will not do you any good. Talking to her is pointless. She doesn’t want to. Why waste time with someone who does not want to talk to you. Just try to learn from it, and grieve, and in time you will find a loving and stable woman you deserve. Take good care.