I don’t want to be rude but I prefer to keep my private life private. Let’s just focus on what we are paid here to do. Or Let’s just focus on work.

Hey Anyone <3

I think most people, and ESPECIALLY most women, struggle with how to deflect or answer flirtation.

We live in a patriarchy, from America to India and worldwide really, where men are dominant in our culture, and women are usually expected to accept and appreciate come-ons and flirtation, and even honks and staring and cat-calls in the streets and in public. We’re implicitly told that our main worth is how we look. And I think it’s a lot of work to figure out how to deal with this possibly constant flirtation that can even approach harassment and we all seem to do this thinking and work individually, not realizing that this is a larger problem worldwide for women and girls generally. Often lot of times, men will act offended when we snap on them or even when we turn them down gently, telling us they’re complimenting us when they say or do that kind of thing. I for one do not consider it a compliment much of the time.

Even if they’re not thinking of it in terms of domination, I think a lot of men feel like it is their right to speak to us and stare at us and do with us as they want, as if they’re entitled to our time and bodies. This kind of thinking infects us as women as well, and if we don’t talk about it, we might feel bad like we have personal problems when they are really systemic cultural problems that are not being named and discussed aloud. I’m not saying that’s what happened with you and your coworker, but I do think that this is the context in which that happened, cuz that’s the world we live in, and perhaps this is one subconscious reason that you snapped at him – perhaps you were wanting equality and respect, to be considered an equal at work and to be treated as any man would be treated at work, or perhaps it was just stress from what you’re going through, but either way, I think this monster of patriarchy affects all of our lives.

I’m still working on how to address flirting politely and firmly, but I think the main thing is to look someone in the eyes, and from your powerful center, tell them “no, i’m not interested, thanks but no thanks,” very confidently and being sure of yourself. You deserve to say no, because your life and choices are your own, and you/women shouldn’t feel bad about saying no strongly and firmly and being confident in ourselves, our worth, and our rights when we do so. I firmly believe we as women can change this system of male dominance over women if we stand up for ourselves, believe in ourselves, and recognize our rights and worth 🙂

I hope this helps 🙂 I don’t know if you struggle with confidence, but I sure did for a long time, and I started reading confidence affirmations at free affirmations dot org and wrote a bunch down and said them every day and after a month or so, I really started feeling much more confident. I highly recommend this practice if it is something you or others you know struggle with it at all!

<3 solidarity sister

Men who make these kinds of comments to you are certainly not concerned with your feelings, so don’t worry too much about hurting theirs. I would have responded to his question with “Why do you ask?” Your marital status is none of his business and you don’t owe him a direct answer. If he says things that make you uncomfortable, tell him so directly. A direct comment like: “Your personal questions make me feel uncomfortable.” should do it. If he continues, then you might want to have a word with your supervisor or your human relations department about sexual harassment.

Just felt like clarifying that in my comment I didn’t mean anybody should actively try and hurt back; just that you shouldn’t beat yourself up for giving an honest, straight answer.