Lightsource,

I’m sorry for your spinning thoughts, and know how exhausting it can be when we are unable to find restful mind. There are many approaches to helping silence the mind, and its really more about letting the spin happen without grabbing on or getting sucked in. Consider, as you lay in bed, there’s no point to your thoughts. Like a little bird,chirping and chirping, the mind just runs. But like a whirlpool, they suck you in, generating painful feelings. Very normal, very usual.

Consider for a moment the mental stuff as a maze. Corners, dead ends, twists and turns, your creativity imagining what ifs and if onlys. We keep looking for an exit, a thought that will free us from the maze, but golly, there seems to be no exit! The lesson of the maze isn’t to find an exit,rather, its to drop the maze. We sit down,right in the center of the maze, and start intentionally thinking happy thoughts.

Specifically, we can start cultivating loving kindness, or the emotion of warm friendship. This helps erode the walls of the maze, helps lessen the gravity of the whirlpool. The spinning isn’t really an issue, its that the mind isn’t peaceful. The spinning is just your creativity, but its painful creativity because its being fueled by your lamentation, or cyclical grief over the loss.

So as we cultivate loving friendship, that loss is left behind, accepted, moved past. We start simple,such as imagining giving tender care to a kitten, helping it feel safe,warm,loved. Slowly, we can work toward the bigger challenges, such as wishing the ex to be happy and peaceful in his life. This brings us authentic healing, uproots the ick that pulls at us, the gravity of the whirlpool.

Then, our mind doesn’t fixate on the negative, rather it dances across a wide open field smelling flowers, maybe nibbling some grass. “What did I like about the ex, what would I like in a new partner? Oh, that one man smiled at me sweetly, that’s nice. Maybe I’d like to go on a hike tomorrow.” Etc. Easy, simple, warm, tender.

To grow that loving space within us starts with metta cultivation. Metta is just a word that means that energy of loving friendship. When we sit and intentionally think happy thoughts, first it is a struggle, the mind falling again into painful cycles. Over time, those happy thoughts sink deep into our subconscious, and we begin to feel loving and warm feelings. That’s when the maze becomes past, dropped. The walls just sustained by grief, by “poor me”,by “dammit”. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube if interested.

Namaste, dear sister, may your fields open and blossom.

With warmth,
Matt

Thanks for the kind words, happy to help. 🙂 Sometimes our time on the cushion doesn’t seem all that relaxing… but its still a workout. If your mind is really distracted, consider “ajahn jayasaro counting breaths” on YouTube, if interested. If there’s a lot of emotion, it can be helpful to give something very tangible for the brain to do. Such as if one of Sharon’s pauses is met with a lot of random thoughts, not spending time with the words, etc. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt

Thanks Matt and Juniper.

Hi Lightsource

Thanks for your post. I will provide my perspective here and hopefully wont double up with other posts.

1. re: fun in the relationship. You need to stop blaming yourself for the breakup.

It is good to have heaps of fun in any relationships. Sometimes, it is not us, which makes people leave us. It is often about the other person who is not able to commit or appreciate something about the relationship. How would you feel if in a few days you find out that your ex-partner has moved on to yet another partner and this could go on for a long time ?

You need to re-focus and make it all about yourself now 🙂 When we are able to do what we want to do in our lives without conditions or hesitation, everything becomes easier. We don’t feel cheated, betrayed or jealous then as our needs are being met. We feel content in our existence. On the other hand, as long as we keep blaming the external circumstances or people for our grief or destiny or things going wrong in life, we keep looking outside for answers and keep binding us down in the chains of sorrow. Does this make sense ?

If Lightsource likes to have fun, then do that. If lightsource likes to chill out in the house with a glass of red, do so. If Lightsource likes to go out pubbing, then do that. Whatever makes you happy and free, do that. You have to live your life in order to move on from negative experiences that we all go through. You are not a slave and you are not someone’s toy either. You are YOU with feelings, desires and emotions but the only person who can appreciate this about you is no one else but YOU. Do you know what I am talking about ?

2. re: negative thoughts. We all go through ups and down in this life and that is what makes life worthwhile. No day is same. Change is the only constant. When we flow with the nature, life feels great. Stop flowing with nature or our needs, life starts to feel burdensome.

We produce close to 60000 thoughts a day and we recycle about close to 90 % everyday, which means we are producing very few new thoughts and just rethinking the old again and again. Thoughts are influenced by everything around us – the news, friends, food we eat, things we look at, FB drama, work drama etc. When we are surrounded by negativity, our thoughts are predominantly of similar energy and we feel heavy and dark. When we are surrounded by positivity, we feel light and bright. Sleep comes easy when we are feeling positive. Ability to help people comes easy when we are feeling light and bright. So I suggest that to turn your thoughts around from predominantly negative state to a positive one, pls try the following:

– Practicing positive affirmations. I have mentioned this in my earlier post as well. Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers, Cheryl Davidson – all provide a useful resource on this. One easy way of putting you to sleep is to listen to one of their positive affirmation CDs. It has 2 benefits – it will put you to sleep and secondly, whole night your subconscious mind will be processing those positive thoughts and when you wake up, you will feel charged 🙂

– Meditation is a great way of easing your mind and thoughts but it can take a while to work for some. Most people focus on trying to eliminate their thoughts during meditation, which doesn’t work. We are creatures of thoughts and the only time, we cant think is when we are in trance. A true trance state can only be achieved by a few who are practicing the right type of meditation for a long time. This takes regular and devoted practice ie no breaks whether you are having a good day or bad day. The meditation that Matt has mentioned is great and you should give it a shot if you have not done so as yet. Another option is to listen to this heart chakra meditation before you go to sleep.

You don’t have to do anything except for close your eyes and listen to the sounds in a dark room. You can think as much as you want 🙂 it is only 10 mins. I am pretty confident that after a few days, You will see a positive change in your reflection of the world and self.

– practicing gratitude is another way of changing your thought pattern – you can be thankful even for the slightest things like hot water for shower, hot water for a cuppa, warm water for washing dishes in winter, fridge to keep our ice cream nice and chilled etc. There are often 50-60 things that we can be thankful for easily in a given day. The more we let the Universe know that we are grateful for things we have in life, the more it grows in our lives.

3. Few pearls that I have picked up over the years

– we are 100 percent responsible for everything that happens in our lives. If we do not like something, we should have the courage to change it and move on. The more we resist the change, the longer it takes to move forward.

– where attention goes, energy flows
where energy flows, things grow. If you do not want to feel sad, do not check the FB or things associated with your ex. Let him go.

– we are made up of atoms at a very basic level, which is energy. Everything in this Universe is energy and like energy attracts like energy. If you are constantly vibrating at a negative energy, you attract people, things or circumstances of similar energy. To turn this around, laugh a lot. Sing and dance. Offer Gratitude. Do selfless service.

– we get what we want but what we do not realise that our wants can be quite conflicting by the time it merges with the Universal consciousness. For example: I want a husband BUT I hope he doesn’t leave me. I hope he DOESNT say no to having babies. I hope he DOESNT do this or that etc. See what I mean. We have a want but we also have a DOES NOT to go with it. How confusing ! Our wants need to be very clear and simple with no “ifs, buts or should”. I want a husband and we will have a beautiful family together and learn the life lessons that we need to learn in a harmonious way. When you send this wish out into the Universe, how can it not come true ? The trick is the belief that it will come true because that is what YOU want without any “ifs, buts or should”.

Ok, enough of my preaching. I think you get the point 🙂

Loads of blessings and it is ok to have a bad day as long as tomo is a better day. No one has all good days and no one has all sad days. Even I do not have endless positive moments but I know how to turn my negative days into positive ones quickly and I did this by working on self. Nothing happens without constant effort or determination or strong will power. Learning doesn’t stop in life school.

J

Hi,
My name is linda and in march I had a very bad cold and then I had sinusities my doctor gave me a nasal spray and since then I had panic attacks and now I am having negative thoughts about my family. This is really making me worse and I end up crying. I have tried many thing to break the circle but without success. I have had a blood test which came back normal.i am desperate now. Can anyone help.
Many thanks.

Hi Linda @lindarut

I am sorry for your suffering. Hey, are you still on the spray or you have ceased it ? Was it a decongestant or a steroid based spray ? Did you have anxiety, panic attacks or any mental health issues prior to starting this medication or the panic attacks only started after the medication use ? Is there is a family history of mental health issues ?

What was the blood test for ?

Hey, is someone in the family irritating you real bad ?

Jasmine