My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. We are both in our mid-30’s, and for the first time ever in a relationship, I thought that he was my forever. We would joyfully talk about how we first met, we would lovingly make plans for our future, we would discuss the breed and name of our future adopted rescue dog, and he would call me his future fiancé and I would call him mine. It has not been a perfect relationship as we have survived our share of storms. But, we were wrapped in love and the thought that our imperfections made us beautiful.
Or so I thought.
About a month ago, he slowly started to distance himself. I thought he need more space because of a very important work project that could make or break his career. Then one night only a few weeks ago, he told me he didn’t know if his future happiness included me, he didn’t know if he loved me anymore, and he felt that there could be something missing from our relationship. I was devastated, I was blindsided. What happened to our beautiful love? I wanted to scream, I wanted to shove my hands into him and make him feel the depths of the pain I was feeling, and I wanted him to still love me. How does someone stop loving you so suddenly?
Then a few days later, he told me he was sorry that he forgot that he loved me and we were worth fighting for, but he still didn’t know about our future. I was numb and tired, and I just wanted to be wrapped in our love again; so, I said, “yes, let’s fight.” I gave him terms to our fight – counselors, dates, and “us” time.
We are trying.
Every fiber in my body wants us to work. He tells me that he loves, we have passionate sex, and he gives me the biggest, fullest hugs. He says that we need to build back up to the marriage point, but he isn’t sure that means or how long it will take. And, he still isn’t sure what that something is.
I am having a hard time understanding or believing what is real. He loved me like that before, and then he stopped loving me. Is he on the cusp of not loving me again? Is he really trying? How do you trust again?
To complicate matters, he may be moving across the country for work in 5 weeks, and there is a piece of me, the piece that houses these beast in my head and second guesses everything that we say or do, fears that I am/will be just his glorified security blanket until he feels comfortable in this new city and new life.
I love this man. I want this to make us stronger. Can it? How do you accept and give love fully, honestly, and fearlessly while preparing to let go? How do you know if you have the strength to do so? How do you deal with this uncertainty? What should I do?
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