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How to deal with loneliness

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  • July 9, 2017 at 5:48 pm #157244
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Sophie,

    Learning something can also really help with loneliness. It helps fill the lonely hours, and you forget about yourself as you are learning the new skill. I might suggest learning a new language.

    Also, focusing on the progress you are making on becoming the person you want to become can also help with loneliness. Decide who you want to become and move a little closer toward that person each day. Create a list of goals, then choose one, create a list of steps, and then try to complete a step each day.

    I found that finding ways to help other people helps make me feel less lonely. At the end of the day you can reflect on all the good you caused instead of what is missing.

    July 10, 2017 at 10:15 am #157306
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sophie:

    You wrote: ” I’ve been on several dates with the same guy and when he wanted to move the relationship further, I got scared and pulled away.”- you got fearful, anxious.

    Then you wrote: “I get nightmare and find myself waking up all alarmed and sweating. So, I know I want a boyfriend… someone to share my life with”- I am thinking that maybe the solution to the anxiety is not a boyfriend but quality psychotherapy. I bet there is a lot of quality psychotherapy in Manhattan, and as a professional, I hope you can afford it.

    There is something in such therapy, I tend to think, that will make your life be more about living than surviving (“It often feels more of surviving than living”).

    anita

     

     

     

    July 10, 2017 at 10:46 am #157314
    Tiela Garnett
    Participant

    Hi Sophie,

    There is a big difference between 1) feeling anxious, lonely and depressed and looking for a relationship to avoid those uncomfortable feelings and 2) being balanced and joyous and looking to share your aliveness with another person.  The first option will always lead you into suffering because it’s based on fear (avoidance =  fear).  The second option is based on love.

    It sounds to me like you are on the right track.  You have made the choice to be without a relationship rather than be in a bad one – bravo!  And you are filling your time with new interests.  Just make sure you are not running away from uncomfortable feelings. When loneliness and anxiety arise, allow those feelings to exist.  Observe them and feel them fully, even though it is uncomfortable.  Do NOT, however, entire a dialogue with/about the feelings!  That will drive you into a mental/emotional spiral.  Instead, focus your attention on the energy in your body, the breath flowing in and out of your lungs.  Allow the body to relax and soften and allow any and all feelings to exist.  They will pass.  By doing this, you will be strengthening your presence and your life – you will be taking yourself from “surviving” to “living” and, when the time is right and you are truly ready, a partner will appear.

    Keep up the good work and, if this is not clear, please ask any question that arises.

    Tiela

    July 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm #157400
    Macy
    Participant

    Sophie

    Good job for putting yourself first..and for keeping the promise you made to yourself, that you would never be with another man who had a temper.

    I get the point that it is loney and you would be happy to be with someone..and you somewhat regret not having gone back to your ex..but whenever something like this hapens to me (I had a recent breakup)…I remember how unhappy I was when I was with him…so being alone isn’t so bad.

    I think when you become content by being by yourself you will meet someone…being happy and content gives off vibes…people are attracted to that.

    I think it’s great that you are investing in yourself at this time….additional knowledge always pays off. A lot of cities offer cooking classes or wine classes…if there is something that you enjoy..you never know who you’d meet there..besides it would be common ground of interest.

    I hope that was a bit of help.

    Macy

     

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