Hi there!

Have you tried keeping things in balance? What I mean is, work hard but play hard as well. There is no use working so hard while leaving out relaxation. Feelings like this are sometimes triggered by stress or lack of activities other than your work or your university life. Try getting together with your close friends, go out with them and just enjoy your free time, hang out or even have good conversations over dinner or coffee. Maybe you just lack enough human connection either through communication or just being with others for fun…Cheer up! 😉

Hi Memm,

I have to reply to you because what you’re describing is exactly how I felt and the situation I was in a few years ago. First thing, what you’re describing is an inner problem, and you can’t solve an inner problem with something external (be it a woman, money, food, drink, holidays, TV etc), most people in life don’t get past this stage I think. These things provide a brief respite, but once you’ve had them you’re still left feeling empty.

To fix an inner lack you need to bring an inner solution. There is no exact prescription for this because this solution will be slightly different for everyone. But broadly speaking I’m talking about your spiritual side, finding a deeper purpose and meaning in life and activities to feed that inner hunger. This does require an open mind. I’m a scientist by training so understand how some of this talk might seem a bit ‘airy fairy’, but it is important to allow yourself to be open enough to at least try/read a few things before deciding.

I can tell you from experience that if you feel like you say now, having a woman will not help. It provides a short term ‘smoke screen’ but soon after the feeling will be right back. This inner lack also leads to a neediness which drives women away. However, once you address this inner stuff, I’ve found the opposite happens, you become just a teensy weensy bit magnetic hehe.

Okay, so a few ideas of things to try: articles on this website are a great starting point, self-help books (e.g. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, Meditations on the Buddhist Path), things like meditation, yoga, Ki-Aikido. You’ll need to find what works for you though ultimately. Doing these things will awaken you to what I’m talking about. By working on your inner stuff first, you will eventually end up attracting external success (see list above) anyway.

One last thing, it takes time, effort, determination, but most of all perseverance. You will have times, more frequently in the beginning, when you can’t be bothered/give up/wonder whether this is all just a waste of time. I had long periods of thinking just this when I was at uni so my life never really got any better until I finally just got back on the search for answers to address my suffering and eventually finding answers. ALWAYS PICK YOURSELF UP AND GET BACK TO IT.

Good luck!

I believe the only way to escape loneliness is to turn my attention to my connection to everything – all people everywhere, all animals, trees, nature, just, everything. I think feelings of loneliness come from thinking of myself as a separate being, but that is an illusion. when i feel overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness, which i sometimes do, I know i need to make a conscious decision to turn from the lie of separateness to the truth of connectedness. I don’t know if that helps.

Hey you!
I’m 25 and I can certainly relate to your experience. My first relationship (which lasted almost 4 years) ended and I was a mess. I felt betrayed and rejected. My self confidence hit rock bottom and it took me several years to build myself up. The choices I made were fueled by my fears (fear of being rejected, fear of loneliness and low self worth) caused me to make choices that were less than desirable. The fear I projected on to my world only caused everything I undesired to manifest around me. By manifest I mean, my actions were fueled by my fear and that made me behave in less than desirable ways, which inevitably pushed everyone I loved dear away from me, causing me to feel the same rejection that I feared OVER and OVER AGAIN. I was stumbling in the dark and my own limiting beliefs caused me nothing but misery. At times I thought there was something wrong with me. Until I realized that I do have a choice to believe whatever it is that I want. I can either believe all the good things about me or I can believe or the bad things about me. I also stopped looking for outside things to make me feel whole. Looking for love in all the wrong places can never end well. People are attracted to happy people. Confident people. It is because of the vibes that you give off. If your choices are fueled by fear and desperation anyone can smell it a mile away.
We all struggle with rejection mainly because it bruises our ego. Not because it actually diminishes our self worth or who we are. Right now you’re struggling with being rejected because you let it validate you as a human being. Don’t let it this one incident define your sense of self worth.

From what I gather in your post, you’re someone who struggles with confidence and low self esteem right? Unless you stop looking for rejection in every experience, rejection is all you’re ever going to get. Work on yourself, enjoy being alone. Be the kind of person anyone would want to be around. Here is an article I came around, I think it might help. There are more articles on this blog on overcoming negative self talk etc HOW TO GRACEFULLY RECOVER FROM REJECTION
Hope it helps