How to deal with being replaced

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This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.

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January 21, 2020 at 3:09 pm #334458

Sloppy_dreams
Participant

Hi.

I’m not gonna write the whole story, I’m sure lots of people have experienced this and some people will relate.

I fell for my “hookup buddy”. She doesn’t feel the same way. I hid my feelings and assured her that I was not in love with her. After a while, she met someone else and of course stopped seeing me. I got terribly sad, I drank a lot and one day when I was drunk I shared my feelings with her. It was horrible. We stopped talking for a while but since she’s someone I see every day, recently we decided to move on and be friends again.

But I can’t get over the fact that I was replaced by someone else. My self-confidence crushed. I know it’s not exactly being replaced, since we’ve never been in a relationship. But it still hurts. And.. as you might guess even tho we moved on, nothing is the same. We’re not as close as we used to be.

I’m still jealous. I’m still hurt. I’m still mad and I’m still disappointed. I don’t know how to let these feelings go. I feel lots of different things at the same time and being not good enough for her, being replaced and being someone who was not worthy of love and care is always somewhere in my mind. I can’t focus on anything. And the fact that we’re still in an awkard situation bothers me a lot. I feel like there will always be something unspoken between us. I don’t know how to deal with all these thoughts.

If something like this happened to you as well, can you please share your thoughts on it? I’d really appreciate.

January 21, 2020 at 5:29 pm #334466

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sloppy_dreams:

You asked: “If something like this happened to you as well, can you please share your thoughts on it?”- but I don’t know enough about what it is that happened, or that you made happen.

You wrote “She doesn’t feel the same way. I hid my feelings and assured her that I was not in love with her”-

– did you find out that she didn’t feel the same way before or after you hid your feelings for her?

– did she ask you to assure her that you were not in love with her?

anita

January 21, 2020 at 5:38 pm #334468

Sloppy_dreams
Participant

– did you find out that she didn’t feel the same way before or after you hid your feelings for her?

– did she ask you to assure her that you were not in love with her?

Dear anita,

We had talks about our expectations before it all happened. She made it clear several times that she’s just having fun and doesn’t have any expectations. She asked me if I feel the same way and I lied because I didn’t want to lose her. She thought it’d be unhealthy for us to hook up if one of us had feelings since she was not looking for something serious.

I know partly I’m guilty because I was not honest about my feelings. And I said many mean things when I got upset. And I’m not looking for a fix for this situation, I’ve kind of admitted that nothing will be the same again between us. By that I don’t mean only hookups. I mean our friendship. We were good friends before it all happened.

I’m just tired of feeling incompetent. I’m tired of doubting myself as a woman. I’m tired of having so many complicated emotions at once.

January 21, 2020 at 6:40 pm #334476

Anonymous
Guest

Dear sloppy_dreams:

The two of you were good friends, then the two of you hooked up, sometime during the hook up relationship, she told you that she was just having fun and didn’t aim at a love/ girlfriends relationship with you. She asked if you felt the same, you lied and said yes, that you feel the same because you “didn’t want to lose her”- lose her as a sex partner, and hopefully a future girlfriend-

– was that your hope, that she will change her mind and heart and fall in love with you? I am asking the above, but am almost sure the answer is positive.

I do relate to the hurt of being wanted for sex but not for love.

You mentioned having “so many complicated emotions all at once”- maybe it will help you to share about these complicated emotions you are experiencing. I will be glad to read more from you and continue our conversation when I am back to the computer in about 12 hours from now.

I hope you feel better soon!

anita

January 24, 2020 at 7:06 am #334638

Mrityunjay
Participant

Hey Buddy.

I can understand your emotional state and trauma through which you are going through right now. It really feels bad when you saw a partner (even casual or short term) moving away from you to someone. I went through such trauma and it is painful.

I want to share you few things to cope up with it:

1. Acceptance is the only way to get out of depression or anger or aggression emotional state which just came after bad news or rejection. A few quotes images I want to share for you to understand.

2. Don’t judge yourself

3. Take a deep breath and laid out a new plan to get out of boredom. Plan to make a new partner.

Hope it will guide you. Be happy Buddy, cheer up.
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