Dear Addy:

It is very tough to go to interview after interview, to feel hopeful only to be rejected yet again. It is very tough to be going through this for more than a year and remain unemployed, especially when you want to provide for your parents and unable to do so. If you had a short-distance loving relationship with your girlfriend- that would have helped your mental health, but unfortunately, your relationship is long-distance. Overall, I understand that your feelings of hopelessness, discouragement, loss of energy and that meeeehhh that you mentioned,  are the results of your difficult situation.

“There’s this critical negative voice. Like you haven’t succeeded for this in the past, So you wouldn’t be successful in the future“- with another kind of voice, an understanding and wiser, positive voice, say to yourself (out loud or silently): failure is part of the human experience, everyone fails at times, sometimes for a long stretch of time… and then success happens. I am not listening to you, critical negative voice!

It may help if you say it first thing in the morning (in an energized way) and at night, as you drift into sleep (in a quiet, sleepy way). Will you do that and let me know how you feel?

anita

Dear Addy:

You are welcome. When I was in psychotherapy and had lots of negative voice patterns of my own, my therapist had me listen every day to one of Mark William’s guided meditations. Mark Williams  is a clinical psychology professor in the university of Oxford and a leading expert on Mindfulness. I believe that you can download his mediations for free, as well as watch/ listen to his lectures on Mindfulness.

If you listen to any of his guided meditations/ lectures, please let me know if you think it is helpful to you, will you?

anita

* Re-submitting without the excess print, hopefully (and some editing):

Dear Addy:

Good to read that you are doing quite well and that you are kind of proud of yourself for how resilient and grateful you are, no matter the situation!

You asked about me: recently, I’ve been struggling, feeling discouraged, trapped… but reading your recent post encourages me, particularly your choice of the word resilient. I hope you don’t mind if I develop a bit the topic of being resilient.

Online definitions: capable of returning to an original shape or position, as after having been compressed; capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture, psychology today (paraphrased): being resilient is the psychological quality that allows a person to not be knocked down by adversities, difficulties and failures, and instead, to come back as strong as before, or stronger: to change course, to emotionally heal, and to continue moving toward one’s goals. Learning to be okay with making mistakes, big or small, is a critical skill that is tied to resilience and to future success.

* Being okay with making mistakes has been a huge struggle for me. Whenever I realized that I made a mistake, big or small, I obsessed about it endlessly and my energy was drained. I made progress in regard to being okay with making mistakes (and in regard to some other people making mistakes), and I need to make more progress, so … to be more resilient.

Well done on your new resume, on finding a better way to apply for jo, and lining up a few interviews! Please feel free to post again with an update anytime, and thank you for the encouragement!

anita

Dear Addy:

Your most recent post is responsible for my first smile of the day (still smiling!). You are right: we all need reminders. As a matter of fact, if we forget something important, it’s the same as if we never knew that important-something.

Being not okay with making mistakes is the same as perfectionism, I agree. My guiding thought growing up and onward was: I will be okay IF I MAKE ZERO MISTAKES. So… I was never okay, not for long (the longest: a few hours, a few days at the most).

“I try to note things down what worked right and what can I improve next time“- I should put this into practice every day, a few times a day! Have a fantastic day yourself, a pleasure talking with you this Friday morning (USA).

anita

Dear Addy:

After submitting my recent reply, I realized “funtastic” is not a misspelling of fantastic, it’s a real word. I didn’t know that this word exists until you mentioned it (!)

You are welcome, thank you and yes, absolutely: learning things from each other works for me!

anita