How to be supportive without hurting yourself

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This topic has 21 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 10 months ago by Dina.

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February 4, 2016 at 11:16 am #94981

Dina
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Not really no :/ and as neither of them really believes in psychiatry and are extremely stubborn….I dont think they ever will

February 4, 2016 at 11:41 am #94983

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Dina:

Reality is what it is whether they believe it or not. My position is that you get to examine reality for what it is for yourself. I believe that mental health is directly proportional to viewing what is as it is. It is often shocking, to see things in a different way and most people get scared and turn away from seeing more… and more. It is a gradual process and if done gradually, so not to be overwhelmed, seeing more into what is real is an amazing healing process.

I will leave this be. If you ever want to discuss any of this further, please do!

anita

February 4, 2016 at 11:49 am #94985

Aislynn
Participant

Dina,

I am glad I could help.

So perhaps her worries really do stem from having the help she needs. After all, you mention you live 6 hours away. So really, now that you mention what CFS feels like, I can imagine she would be concerned with not being able to keep up on the days on which she feels drained. Supplying a cafe would require consistency and dedication in terms of the deliveries and therefore it would make sense that she needs a partner, someone to help her when she is unable to do it herself.

I can also imagine that dealing with the social aspect of it all would also be very taxing on her body and energy. Anxiety, like Anita mentioned produces physical symptoms.

I now understand why you are so concerned with being supportive of your sister, after reading about your father having been suicidal. It is only natural that since your parents are not who they once were that you want your sister to not have to struggle or get to that point. I admire the efforts you are making to help your sister.

Now, when it comes to not hurting yourself when it comes to be supportive. I can understand why it would hurt, especially since you mentioned not being able to talk to her on an equal level until recently. It is hard to see someone not take you seriously, or to not act on your ideas. However, don’t take it as something against you as a person. I’m sure she doesn’t look down on you. Just the opposite, she needs you, your parents are not who they are and you and your siblings are the only ones who can really understand CFS. You are her support system, even when you are away. Don’t be discouraged if the whole cafe idea doesn’t pan out. Simply email her, text her, talk to her on the phone, even on the worst days I am sure she will be glad she can count on you.

February 4, 2016 at 12:11 pm #94987

Dina
Participant

Thanks both Anita and Aislynn 🙂 greatly appreciate the support and kindness

February 4, 2016 at 1:03 pm #94989

Anonymous
Guest

You are very welcome, lovely Dina!
anita

February 4, 2016 at 3:54 pm #95032

Matty
Participant

Hi Dina,
The situation is slightly reverse for me, i’m the eldest and my brother has never EVER listened to me before 😉 The only thing i can offer is maybe consider doing online sales? Quite a few businesses here have online cupcake shops and just bake to order. OR you could set up an intermediary/ third party between the cafe/ bakery and your sister.That way she could just focus on baking. One of my bosses had social anxiety and so she would just hire casuals to work for the front counter while we were in the back baking and cooking. I also know another person whom suffers from severe insomnia and social phobia. She became the third party by buying wholesale toys from japan and selling them in stores. There are options, although your sister may have to meet a couple people, if she has support, then she may be more likely to give it a shot. I always think of a building and its scaffolding. It wasn’t built over night, but the support the scaffolding gives to the building is incredible. Once the building is able to stand without support, the scaffolding comes down, gradually. Maybe you or someone else your sister is close to could support her, professionally (you are already supporting her now) until she is ready to stand on her own.
It was just a thought. Best of luck.

February 8, 2016 at 7:37 am #95251

Dina
Participant

Appreciate it. Thanks Matty 🙂
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