Dear Ashmitha,

I think the most important question is not about the amount of communication but the quality and truthiness of it.

I had relationships with many texts and calls but they were shallow ones; talking only for everyday stuff or gossipping – this  didn’t help in building a healthy relationship and an in-depth communication. I had boyfriends who used to communicate at periods all the time (bombarding me with texts and calls) but from jealousy or insecurity. They needed to have the control. This was not building a healthy relationship either.
I have a relationship now with less calls and texts but during those, I am really open as he is and we discuss for our feelings or fears very openly and this builds gradually a solid foundation for the relationship.

I believe the “correct” amount of communication is the one that makes you feel connected to the other..

We do call/text randomly, but we know each other schedules so I know eg that during school (he is a professor) we can’t talk. Or he knows that in the afternoons I have meeting so he doesn’t call.
We usually text in the morning for “Good Morning” wishes, then we talk arter school (he calls), then I call late evening when I return home from work. And we text “Good night” before sleep.

If you feel you need more communication I think you should express that to your partner, tell him for your need. And explain what this communication would mean to you. The reason you need it, eg for knowing better each other. So that he understands that you do not try for example to control him or check where he is. Explain your needs and I feel this will make things better.

Hi Ashmitha,

Well, I don’t think there is a particular amount of time that applies to everyone. From my experience, my two past relationships were full of resentment because I couldn’t understand my exes not texting me each time they had free time. I was like “what do you mean you’re busy with your FRIENDS, don’t you want to spend all your free time with me?” That was horrible. 😀 But I was young and not really clever. Now I see, it was because I considered my romantic relationships are above friendship. And I don’t say it’s wrong. The problem was my partners thought about it differently. It took me a lot of time to realize that not only my BF wants some kind of respite, but I also need it sometimes.

So, here’s my opinion: as we’re all grown-up people with interests that don’t always correspond to other people’s interests, it’s absolutely normal to not connect all the time. That doesn’t make our love weaker. It gives us some new experience to discuss with our partner. We must respect other people’s personal boundaries, discuss any inconvenience, and act so as we’re both comfortable.