Greetings to all,

I have been in an on-and-off relationship for almost five years now. Most recently, we have been broken up since February but are starting to talk again, bit by bit.

I habitually leave because I feel alone because we do not share the way I would like. When I express my feelings, he criticizes my approach to communicating my concerns. Other times he listens, doesn’t say much, puts in a little effort for a short time and then things revert to normal. I feel like I’m the only one ever wanting to talk things out. I make a real, sincere effort to communicate but usually end up feeling neglected and hurt by his seeming apathy. In turn, I emotionally separate myself as a defense mechanism against this hurt. And so we drift apart, fail to communicate about it (usually I try talking to him in desperation to no avail) and we break up, and he seems surprised that I was unhappy with things despite my multiple attempts to express that to him. Afterwards, he makes many attempts to contact me and start again, and I always give in hoping things will be better even though we don’t talk anything out and the problem does not change.

Sometimes I am quick to blame him for being difficult to communicate with, while other times I feel that we just communicate in different ways, and that communication can be really difficult in general (I tend to think the latter is a much better and more accurate point of view). We have a lot in common and in many ways get along great. There is a lot of love between us but for some reason we just can’t get the verbal communicate to work, especially when it is needed most. It is important to me to share and verbally connect, and I usually feel disappointed and let down by his lack of effort, even when he says he is trying his best. I don’t know if he really is trying and is just different in this manner, or if he doesn’t try all that hard because he thinks I will always stick around. He generally does not share too much- I think he actually shares more with me than he does with anyone else, and in other ways he is very expressive- he is extremely physically affectionate, makes a real effort to spend time with me, and is good to me in many ways. So sometimes I wonder if that’s just his personality, and I need to accept this part of him if I want to spend time with him.

I am a very independent person, actually I think we both are, and I have no problem being on my own. I’ve been single for some time now and have really enjoyed my time self loving and spending quality time with myself. But for some reason, I cannot let this relationship go. I guess I always have an optimism that we will learn to be better together, that the love will carry us through.

I know you cannot answer this question for me, but how do you know when it’s really time to call it quits? How many times do you try to make something work? If many things are wonderful in a relationship but something that’s important to you isn’t working, is it worth sticking it out for the good things if you really care about the person? Any insight would be helpful.

Thank you for reading!

• This topic was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by LaLaTra.