hi everyone, i decided to write this to hopefully cheer someone up. This is my journey of how i find myself back, the girl i love and i thought she will never come back.

_The most beautiful time of my life is. Enjoying the food I’m eating, appreciate every single little bites, thanking for those that made the food, those that harvest the ingredients, and those that die for us to have food to stay alive for today and survive tomorrow. To enjoy every little bits of it, identifying the tastes that is melting away in my mouth and saying thank you… for keeping me alive. Listening to music and experience the feeling the way that song makes you feel, every single beats makes you wanna move around and feeling so happy, can’t help but smile but hope. Drinking the tea, thank you for the bee… without you, where would i get my honey from? Thankyou for the cows, without you where would i get my milk tea from and again thank you for the people that harvest the tea leaves. These are little simple things that makes me enjoy life so much.
And realise, everything on earth have a purpose both good and bad.
Feeling so loved.

_There are time in life, you work so hard to find your identity. But you took yourself for granted just to realise when you lost the person you love, you will never let her leave if you meet her again. Being in love with yourself is like any other relationship. You been alone for all your life, needs company from others, never feel complete… Then one day, you suddenly awake and found yourself, which is your best friend; your soul mate; your other half and your own unique identity. Something happened, you feel completely lost again. So now you know, what you want to keep, who you want to be and what you will always be. And you will try to find that person within again, and this time with the more understanding you will never give up on yourself ever again… Never take the relationship with yourself for granted, you fall in love once and you might never find it again.

I usually write a little note right on the spot when i feel something, and these are little notes i wrote today when i finally feel myself again, feel alive and happy.
I went through a break up which i never understand the reason why, and the hardest break up are ones you don’t have an explain why. We broke up and i was left to blaming on myself. Before this relationship i was a heart broken girl, i was so innocent and although i know about life here and there but it was no way like now, after being so heart broken i found myself… i was awake and I was soooo in love with myself, i view my life as heaven and everyday i would wake up to gratitude, and iwasn’t forcing myself to feel so much love, so much appreciation and gratitude, i just felt it… my mind started brighten and i love being with myself, doing things with myself and i was like a best friend of my own!
I have always been a very emotional girl, this is why i can feel so much for me, and for people around me and sometimes i feel things that does not exist. Anyways, my point is… i lost myself, the girl i fell in love with after this relationship because i sacrificed myself for a person i opened my heart to, to realised… he never felt the same, although how much he admired me and care for me and wish to love me and wanted to marry me, there was never love between us and the journey finding myself back after this break up took a month but it felt like YEARSSSS.
I did not get upset of the break up because i didnt blame on myself or him, because all i did was being too genuine and he took me for granted, but that wasn’t my fault… that was me, i am genuine and i am proud of that, it takes another genuine person to feel the same but he wasn’t, but i could not blame him. You can’t tell anyone how to feel, behave or how to live:)
I was so lost and unmotivated… although i function normally everyday, doing my hobbies and find things to do, and trying to remember how did i over come my other break up and how did i find myself, but it didnt come to me and i wasn’t enjoy my hobbies at all… I locked myself in my room all day and for almost 2 weeks, and an introverted side of me came out. I realised, i needed no comfort from anyone because what if one day no one is around? you still need to learn how to be happy even by your self.
Anyways, i thought to not to force to rmb how i feel back then and believe that this is just a phrase and we have only broken for a month. I didnt feel lonely i was just so bored and i remembered why i loved myself i did not feel bored at all.. i was so content and HAPPY almost for no reason, everything around me made me happy! The trees, the grass, the music EVERYTHING!
I started to hang out in nature by myself more and trying to find myself back, everyday i try to rmb the things i did back then… But the feeling i felt back then, just wasn’t there.. I can repeat the same things i did for all i want, but the feeling i feel did not feel the same.
So today, i woke up and told myself.. ok, i need to relax… just appreciate everything, i listen to a song i really like to lift up my spirit, eat something for lunch and made myself some tea. Said to myself, social life like Facebook made me depending on people for social when really i should spend more time with myself and i did not do enough of that. the moment i spend time with myself.. it all came back, take care of myself, enjoy the food i eat, be thankful… and just smile and keep smiling, try to think positive about everything and everyone. Stop revolving your life with others but your self… have faith and believe, be proud of yourself that you have survive through many things for this long. And those little notes was how i feel today..
I now know, once i find myself 100% i will never let myself go again, because this is how hard it is to find her back. I now know who i exactly want to be. We all have many personalities, angry, egotistic, a positive or negative personality, bubbly or cheerful… but you will find a personality that you will forever want to stick around with and i just hope… Please, appreciate little things in life, show compassion and forgiveness and think for others. Spend more time with yourself.. rmb, you will never find yourself if you always spend time with others… I hope, people here somewhat understand what i wrote, it is really hard for me to express my feelings for people to understand because this is my way of understanding myself and how i get there, may not work for you but just try. Give it a try.. <3 love and peace.