Hello Peace57,

You can meet this person with compassion authentically today. The essence of you, is compassion. You must always keep in mind that whatever this person has done to you in the past, is an illusion. There’s nothing in life, that we will ever be able to run away from. Therefore, it wouldn’t do to try to avoid or dodge this person. What I would simply do, and have been doing with people who I don’t particularly have a strong liking for at work is this: If there ever arises a situation or discussion where I don’t agree with him/her, I simply state my opinion but I always remain in alignment to the fact that everyone has their own particular belief systems and will thus behaving accordingly. When you put this into perspective, it makes sense to only do one thing: live in acceptance. You don’t have to go back and forth with someone who disagrees with your opinion. As a conscious living soul, you don’t need your ego to be stroked nor do you need your opinion to be validated. Fear of not voicing your opinion comes from the ego. You’re subconsciously afraid that someone will be opposition of what you have to say. But that is okay. Many of us are this way. What’s just as important is the recognition that “Those who know don’t speak. And those speak don’t speak.” Often times, many people speak to have their opinions validated. It is sometimes okay to refrain to giving your opinion. As long as you are in agreeance with electing to not give your opinion. If it bothers you as you mentioned, know that this is fear coming from your ego.

To conclude, this is my advice: When you see him or her, just BE. If you begin to feel agitated, shift your attention on your breath or, shift your attention on what he/she is saying. And remember, sometimes it is best to say nothing at all.

Love & Light,
Jessica

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Jessica Eusebe.

As I’m talking to them I try to exhale whatever negativity I am feeling towards them and inhale a blessing towards them. That helps me to be authentic without getting riled up. I let go of the negativity + I put myself in the mind frame of compassion + love towards them.

Hi peace57,

Two words that jumped out at me were ‘stress’ and ‘resentment’. There are some situations in life that really are ‘stressful’, (like the death of a loved one), but the vast majority are not. It’s not the situation or event that is stressful, but our reaction to it, and interaction with that creates the stress.

How we choose to react in a situation is ours, and ours alone. If someone else cuts you up in traffic for example, how do you react? We’ve all been late, tired and just plain not concentrating, and we’ve all done it. Let it go, as shouting at the car disappearing into the distance is hurting only you.

Resentment comes from past experiences with a Particular individual or situation. Accepting and letting go of the past, and being ‘present’ in the moment (isn’t that all we have?) will make dealing with people you don’t naturally feel at ease with more comfortable.

One thing I have found to be very powerful is deep reflection. I used to reflect superficially about things, but deeper reflection has allowed me to understand my reactions and emotions more fully. I now keep a journal and write in it at the end of each day. By writing something down it forces you to stop and really think about and process the days events.

People will always have their own view of something shaped through their own life experiences, and we can never fully understand the path they have travelled, but out of those differences comes progress, understanding and learning if we open ourselves up to it.

Some really great (different!) perspectives on this. Another opportunity to learn 🙂

Hi peace57,

I can relate to your situation. Have you tried approaches to change the situation like getting to know the others (ask questions) or having a sense of humor (a common view of things that are odd or funny) with them? Would this help?

Big blue

Peace57,

In addition to the other heartfelt responses, consider that perhaps your problem isn’t with the emotions, its with becoming entangled in situations, people, ideas. They “stick” inside the brain, causing compression, fast sprouting thoughts that mash together, that seem to take up all the space, all the attention. New stimuli presses up against this pressure cooker, which shoots off angry steam. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

To overcome emotional bursting, consider two separate processes. The first is cultivating the soft heart of compassion, or the tender, open space inside. We can plant, tend, and help grow this space by practicing metta meditation. As we sit and think happy thoughts, wish for happiness for us and others, the mind becomes smooth and peaceful. This helps open up the space, so the events you stress over, lament, and become angry from, happen in a much wider space. Such as, a tree growing in a wide open field doesn’t stress us, takes up space, but there is plenty around it. While a tree growing in our bedroom does take up space, demands our attention.

Over time, the challenges you’re dancing alongside won’t pull you in. Consider “Peace57 works diligently to grow his spacious warmth, and protects that growth by not grabbing on to events that close the space. Except when he does.” There grows a continuity of intention that becomes a new baseline, a new guide. “Today, I shared warmth and friendly feelings with my extended human family, except for a few times when I got pulled in, became entangled. No biggie, just some pulling in, I choose to drop the entanglements, move back toward spaciousness.”

What can grow here is a place of resillance to stress, not from strength of mind such as choosing to do a loving action when we feel angry, but instead, a wide space of mind that prevents agitation from compressing. Therefore there is less anger, less allure to respond that way, less pull. The friendliness that grows on the cushion remains strong, such as “perhaps last year, you stepping on my toe would have ensnared me, but here and now, as I see a friend that was just was busy with their journey, its not about me.” and done. Or, “the other artists drive to see their creations, their views utilized. We all want that, its not about me, no need to let it corrode my own joy.” Forgive, see clearly, move on. Hey look, sunlight! What a beautiful day to be living through! Toe stepped on “nah, not worth grabbing it, I have the space to hug you despite you stepping there”. Hey look, sunlight! What a beautiful day…

The second process is learning not to jump and diagnose from the uncomfortable places. Not trying g to figure out the anger while angry, not feeling mad that anger is there, not trying to run and hide from it. Just anger arising, normal, usual, it passes, breathe. Just ego arising, self cherishing, normal, usual, beehive buzzing, it passes, breathe. In these moments, you can use a mantra of untangling, such as “Whatever the causes, on their side or mine, that contribute or create the painful feelings inside me, I choose to set down, walk away from, and forgive those causes. May we be free, happy, and peaceful.” This will connect with all the good work you do in meditation, helping to bring the cushion to the canvas. Helping bring your tender heart back to the present, having space to do something different, something new.

Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. If accustomed to breath meditation already, consider “bhante gunaratana guided metta meditation”, instead. The second one bridges better into mindfulness, or attentive mental focus. Much like an artist pays close attention to the colors, images, and mediums used, a mindful person pays close attention to where their attention is really resting, noticing the ripples of thoughts in the mind.

Said differently, and to sum it up, don’t try to stop anger from arising, learn to open the space, step aside from the triggers that ensnare your mind, and the cause dissolves, anger never arises. Anger is too fiery to wield easily, and except in a few cases, isn’t worth doing anything with at all. Breathe, see its impermanence, be done, move on.

Namaste, dear brother, may your path be free of entanglements.

With warmth,
Matt

“Floating in space alone” is exactly what it feels like when releasing yourself from entanglement. At least that’s what it felt like to me 🙂 You’ll have to give yourself time to find your own gravity so that you’re not going to keep orbiting around others, your emotions tied to the ebb and flow of particular relationships. First you just need to let go. Even momentarily so that you get the time to build yourself.