How do you forgive yourself for the mistakes and your stupidity from the past?

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 9 months ago by Pat Merritt.

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June 28, 2013 at 10:19 am #37559

Cheryl
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Great question Ray. Unfortunately I have no insight for you as I am finding myself in the same boat. Thank you for starting this discussion.

June 28, 2013 at 1:32 pm #37567

Marilyn Briant-Rockmore
Participant

Hello Ray,

I think writing a letter that you don’t give him is an amazing way to release the pain and anger you feel. There’s a whole book written about this: Unsent Letters, which documents the healing that comes from this…burying or burning the letter after you’ve written also seems to help in letting it all go.

I applaud you for being on a journey to change yourself and I know if this is something you want with all your heart, you will succeed. I know too that you will be able to forgive yourself, just by accepting like I did, that sometimes we need to find out who we are not before we can know who we are.

Yes, we all make mistakes but the key is to learn from them – be kind to yourself, know you want to do things differently, forgive yourself and allow yourself to be who you really are.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

July 7, 2013 at 9:56 pm #38148

Joel
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Thank you for sharing part of your story.

Remember that the hardest thing is forgiving yourself. You have to be kind to yourself and not just your present self but even more so your past self. I tell my friend that the old me is the same me as now except that I had the wrong filters setup. You are always the same you, you just have to break down those nasty filters we all build. So just take it day by day. I believe in you I know you can let go of that anger.

July 12, 2013 at 7:03 pm #38520

Kirty
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that’s a good way of looking at it.. @joel

=)

July 13, 2013 at 6:48 am #38529

Pat Merritt
Participant

Ray,
With reverence and respect for you and your situation, I will offer you my heartfelt input.
I truly believe that we are such complex beings. Being human means that we embody every human emotion, love, hate, fear, regret, and on and on. I often take solace just in that fact – knowing that when I’m feeling what I just to be a “bad” emotion – I’m just being human. Anger and such can serve a spiritual purpose. It can show us aspects of ourselves we don’t understand and even provide a vehicle for change. Humans don’t like change, and often it takes very dramatic and upsetting events – to make us MOVE out of unhealthy patterns!
I too have recently felt anger (not the first time, Ha) about things and people in my life. I try to look at why am I angry? What about this is pushing my buttons so hard? Sometimes the anger is valid – but rarely is it a solution – and getting stuck there does nothing to help us move forward.
Writing is great! I’ve kept a journal almost my whole life. I allow myself to write whatever I want. Then sometime later I go back and read it – and it somehow puts me into an “observer” mode. I can detach from the issue and read the story. I’m not feeling the pain as much and most times I can see why I did what I did.
Please don’t “hate” any part of yourself, no matter how much you judge it to be BAD. You did what you did because that is what you knew then! (think Oprah said that). When I need to find compassion for myself I will often say – if a friend was telling me this story – what would I say?
We often will be so tough on ourselves. Try to look at yourself as an amazing human being (that I know you are) who has gone through unique life experiences. If you really do look at what you’ve gone through – and who you are – you will love the person you are! Blessings
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