How do you forgive yourself for the mistakes and your stupidity from the past?

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 3 months ago by Pat Merritt.

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June 28, 2013 at 10:01 am #37557

Ray
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I’m currently on my journey on creating a better me. Shedding the past and living in the present and trying to be happy. Ive definitely changed a bit and yeah….but I cannot for the life of me forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made in the past. Sometimes I think back to the girl I used to be and I feel really angry with her for all the things she did and how she behaved in certain situations. I cannot forgive that girl. I feel angry with her at times and sometimes I feel like ill never be able to change cause ill always be that same girl.

I’m trying to but it’s hard at times. I said a lot of things and acted in really terrible ways towards my mother. I want to change that and be a better daughter and control my anger. I lose it pretty fast, I don’t want that anymore. I don’t wanna be that super emotional, angry girl. I was also really dependent and not really independent, but that’s definitely been changing.

Also. In the last I fell in love with a boy and clung on to that for almost 4 years. He didn’t feel the same way about me. But we became ‘best friends’. That’s what he called me. He said I was his best friend and he loved me and cared about me but now, I look back and I hate myself so much for my naivety. He didn’t care about me, he just liked the attention I gave him. I’ve left him now, cause it hit me that he was toxic for me. But I keep going back. Thinking about everything I did for him, all the time I wasted on him. All the tears I cried for him. Four years of my life wasted on a boy who didn’t give two shits about me and I feel so angry with myself! Why the hell was I so naive?! Why did I waste so much of my time?! Why the hell did I bow to his every word and treat him like a god?! Why did I cry over him for days and days and days. Now that I’ve left him, it hasn’t affected him even a bit, whereas its been killing me! I miss him but I will never go back but it just hurts so much. I gave him all of me and I never got anything. I was so stupid. I’d stay up until 5am to Skype with him, followed his every word and ugh. I’m so angry with that part of me, I cannot let it go. I want to go and scream at him but I know I can’t,

I’m planning in writing a letter to him. I won’t give him the letter but I think this will help with letting go of that anger and maybe forgiving myself in the process. Any advice? I could really use some. It’s been really hard for me.

June 28, 2013 at 10:19 am #37559

Cheryl
Participant

Great question Ray. Unfortunately I have no insight for you as I am finding myself in the same boat. Thank you for starting this discussion.

June 28, 2013 at 1:32 pm #37567

Marilyn Briant-Rockmore
Participant

Hello Ray,

I think writing a letter that you don’t give him is an amazing way to release the pain and anger you feel. There’s a whole book written about this: Unsent Letters, which documents the healing that comes from this…burying or burning the letter after you’ve written also seems to help in letting it all go.

I applaud you for being on a journey to change yourself and I know if this is something you want with all your heart, you will succeed. I know too that you will be able to forgive yourself, just by accepting like I did, that sometimes we need to find out who we are not before we can know who we are.

Yes, we all make mistakes but the key is to learn from them – be kind to yourself, know you want to do things differently, forgive yourself and allow yourself to be who you really are.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

July 7, 2013 at 9:56 pm #38148

Joel
Participant

Thank you for sharing part of your story.

Remember that the hardest thing is forgiving yourself. You have to be kind to yourself and not just your present self but even more so your past self. I tell my friend that the old me is the same me as now except that I had the wrong filters setup. You are always the same you, you just have to break down those nasty filters we all build. So just take it day by day. I believe in you I know you can let go of that anger.

July 12, 2013 at 7:03 pm #38520

Kirty
Participant

that’s a good way of looking at it.. @joel

=)

July 13, 2013 at 6:48 am #38529

Pat Merritt
Participant

Ray,
With reverence and respect for you and your situation, I will offer you my heartfelt input.
I truly believe that we are such complex beings. Being human means that we embody every human emotion, love, hate, fear, regret, and on and on. I often take solace just in that fact – knowing that when I’m feeling what I just to be a “bad” emotion – I’m just being human. Anger and such can serve a spiritual purpose. It can show us aspects of ourselves we don’t understand and even provide a vehicle for change. Humans don’t like change, and often it takes very dramatic and upsetting events – to make us MOVE out of unhealthy patterns!
I too have recently felt anger (not the first time, Ha) about things and people in my life. I try to look at why am I angry? What about this is pushing my buttons so hard? Sometimes the anger is valid – but rarely is it a solution – and getting stuck there does nothing to help us move forward.
Writing is great! I’ve kept a journal almost my whole life. I allow myself to write whatever I want. Then sometime later I go back and read it – and it somehow puts me into an “observer” mode. I can detach from the issue and read the story. I’m not feeling the pain as much and most times I can see why I did what I did.
Please don’t “hate” any part of yourself, no matter how much you judge it to be BAD. You did what you did because that is what you knew then! (think Oprah said that). When I need to find compassion for myself I will often say – if a friend was telling me this story – what would I say?
We often will be so tough on ourselves. Try to look at yourself as an amazing human being (that I know you are) who has gone through unique life experiences. If you really do look at what you’ve gone through – and who you are – you will love the person you are! Blessings
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