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How do you breakup with someone?

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  • June 5, 2017 at 8:25 am #151984
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Karene:

    Welcome back! Good to read from you again.

    I read your detailed account of your relationship with this man, and remember details from previous threads.

    You wrote: “I just cannot be his saviour anymore”- unfortunately, you didn’t save him, you haven’t been his savior so far and you can’t be. It is not within your power. He is still as limited and dysfunctional as he has been before. I am sure he experiences moments of comfort, contentment, maybe joy with you, but those are moments in time, while his life continues to be, as you so thoroughly described, limited and dysfunctional.

    Before I attempt answering the questions at the end of your post, I ask:

    1. So far, there has been an emotional payoff for you, a good-feeling you enjoyed in being in this one year relationship with him. Can you describe that payoff?

    2. Are you afraid that if you break up with him, he will become criminally aggressive toward people, because of his interest in murder stories?

    anita

    June 6, 2017 at 10:28 am #152144
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Karene…

    Anita’s second question is paramount in considering your question of “how do I break up with someone who thinks that he has the rest of his life with me and that has nothing else in his life really but me and has schizophrenia.?” The two of you are complete opposites and at one end of that spectrum is his history. There is 100% truth in what Anita said-“unfortunately, you didn’t save him, you haven’t been his savior so far and you can’t be. It is not within your power. He is still as limited and dysfunctional as he has been before.” Karene I cannot say this in a gentle way, but because of his history, his schizophrenic diagnosis, especially him talking murder, this is a very dangerous situation you are in and it is paramount that you find a way to break up with him. You will have to take a strong, and I cannot emphasize that word enough, a strong initiative to do so. When he speak of “He thinks he has a future with me and is very loyal and devoted to me like I am his world. He loves coming over to my place as its 5 acres and animals around and a view. He talks about having kids with me casually every now and then and about when we get old etc..” how can you be sure whether or not he is not in a schizophrenic mode? Everything that you describe about his personality and behaviors speak manipulation, at the very least. You have a very healthy outlook on life and it seems as though you have a wonderful plan for you. This type of personality will drag you down in an instant and think nothing of it. I suggest a couple of things. Get educated on restraining orders. I sense that it will come to that. Next,I suggest that you email him that you feel your relationship will not work, that you are moving on, and wish him well. I do not suggest telling him in person for your safety. Schizophrenic personalities are very unpredictable. Do not allow him to take control of your decision. Should he go into a violent, abusive tirade, do not get into it. Just be clear that your decision to move on is what you want. At that point I would highly suggest a restraining order. This is nothing to mess with.

    Please do let me know how you are doing.

    Pearce

    June 6, 2017 at 10:55 am #152150
    Enzo
    Participant

    hi Karene,

    First permit me to agree with both Anita and Pearce’s responses; I believe you should take them to heart and strive to answer Anita’s 2 questions, and indeed, do bone up on understanding the process for getting a Restraining Order (aka., Order of Protection).

    In reading your post, I sense that you may be feeling some guilt about the prospect of leaving this man that needs to be addressed.  I also believe you know in your head why feeling guilty about ending this relationship is irrational.  After all, how can a person feel guilty for wanting out of a toxic relationship?

    But the heart feels what it feels and it has to be addressed, and that’s the only point I want to emphasize with you Karene.  There are tons of techniques that can be uncovered in simple research that will help in putting feelings of guilt in their proper perspective.  Whether you make that a pre or a post-breakup activity is up to you; I suggest that it be tackled quickly.

    I look forward to seeing how this turns out Karene.

    Respectfully,

    Enzo

    June 10, 2017 at 7:45 am #152644
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Karene,

    I am new on here, and see that you have gotten some great replies. I just had to break-up with someone myself, and it was one of the most painful things I have had to do. I won’t make this a long reply, just seeing if you are okay, and if you still needed to talk about anything. I hope you are okay.

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