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How do we know who our friends and family are

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #101648
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anonymous:

    I think that we often don’t know our parents. No one is more invested in seeing one’s parents in the most positive light than a child. And not only when a child is minor, but in adulthood. As a stranger I can see a person more accurately in one day than the child of that person sees in his/her whole life, simply because I never had the strong motivation to feel safe with that (other person’s) parent, that is, I was never and am not emotionally invested

    We often don’t see people as they are once we are invested in them. Emotional investment shapes how we see people.

    It is not only about missing such dramatic issues as one being a pedophile. We miss a lot of less dramatic things as seeing one as loving to us while that person is not. Not talk-show-attention-grabbing but very significant nonetheless.

    anita

    #101680
    Anonymous
    Participant

    That is a great point Anita. Small things are just as important as larger issues. I guess it just scares me thinking that someone I love could be nothing as they seem. It makes me fear trusting the people I’m close to. As in this woman’s story, she was so happy and trusted the man she married, only to find out some terrible things. I wish I could trust better, as the people in my life deserve it since I’ve never had any reason to not trust anyone, but hearing this story just makes me irrationally suspicious. Thanks for your insights!

    #101683
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anonymous:

    You are welcome. When you meet someone, get to know that person before you get emotionally involved. It is that emotional involvement that stands in the way of seeing people the way they are.

    I don’t know the particular story you are referring to, but most common it is not that you know a person and out of nowhere you find out that person is a something horrific, that is rarely the case. What is most often the case, is that the evidence is there and people are blind to it.

    So if you keep your eyes and ears open and get to know a person, without operating under the influence of strong emotion, you will get a lot of information on the person. I hope you consider this and be less scared.

    anita

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