Hello there. I too am struggling with a similar thing. Moving on I have always found so hard. Even though I know there were things that I asked for, he said he could not give me. Kids-I still have thoughts I should have done this, and I should have done that…It sometimes take over and consumes me to the point I wish that I had never said anything. If I had kept quiet, he would still be with me. BUT, that would have meant I would hate myself for not being true to myself. The pain when you lose someone you love is strong. I have good moments and remind myself this is something I could not have if I was with him. Bad moments do not get better. It has been 4 months now.
We were speaking but now no longer. I told him to leave me alone as I hated the fact that still he would not change his mind and give me what I want. I feel at times that I would do anything to get him back. I have to remind myself this is not really true. I kid myself that I can be with him and be without children, but this would kill me and I would resent him forever and myself.
Accepting this is so hard, but I have no option. There can be someone else further down the line. Knowing what you know now, and I we can move forwards with more wisdom to avoid the same mistakes. I know the mistakes I made and it sounds like you do too. We can only learn from this.
Find a focus to spend your time. When the desperate painful feelings come on, be kind to yourself and do something nice for you. I need to put all the love I had for him back onto me so that I can feel loved again. If I can love myself more and more I will be able to love again. At least I fully know what I want. Before I met him I thought I did. Now I definitely do. Take care and allow yourself to heal. Just think about you and how you can be happy again xxx
e

When things go badly, like a broken relationship or an abusive situation, I remember my Shakespeare. All the worlds a stage.
I pretend that the situation was a play a movie and I was the star, its great being the star. I pretend I received an Oscar for my performance. The movie ends, the act is over, the curtain closes. Now on to the next play, the part, the role.
As both Johnny Depp and Harrison Ford have said “I never see my movies, I never remember my lines, and I just go on to the next movie”
So, those “academy” performances line up in my mind like tall strong Oscars.
Yes, I am the star, the spot light is on my life. A new adventure begins. Delighted and Enlightened I dance my way onto a new stage.

I thank my leading man, all the other actors, directors, writers.
We part.
The emotions of the play, the act, the scene dissolve as I search for a new theatre.
Life mimicking art.
I have the choice of which part I wish to perform.
It is in my hands in my control.

I also think of the partnered actors who could never work together again.
I think of the ones who did. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire.
They danced in perfect harmony. I think of my leading man whom I’d dance with
and I see that dance in my mind.

I am also content in knowing I am an independent artist.
I can go it alone and evolve through many roles.

Either is beautiful and acceptable.

I learn my lines, research the part and perform better with each take.
There will always be a part to play.