Many people are silent of the topic of religion which I have no problem with. I even don’t talk about Buddhism that much and I try to respect believers as much as I can. But my grandmother and father are extremely religious Christians and feel like they are obligated to get the word of God out. They love to assume that I’m a Christian and if I come out not they use violence against me. I know a lot more of the Bible than they do. I can name dozens of examples of stuff like murder, rape and slavery. I even have a entire list on my iPhone because I read all of it. But I’m afraid of quoting it because of being disrespectful.

Now I don’t mind someone being a Christian, just like I don’t mind someone being a Muslim, Hindu, Atheist, Agnostic, Deist or whatever. But my family and friends completely force their religion on me and make me go to church even when I don’t want to. I had come out several times in the past, but they called me things such as “baby eater” or “child raper” even though I would never think of doing those things. I am forced to keep my mouth shut and be in the closet.

Part of the reason I do this is because I’m a people pleaser. Read my previous post. Everything I post on here is true. It is against Buddha to lie. Only some friends and family members do this. Most of them don’t. But I live with my grandmother and she is one of them. She has arthritis, asthma, diabetes, and fibromyalgia. She is also legally blind so there is no way she could actually read a bible. I feel so bad for her and allow her to force Christianity on me. I cannot even listen to the dhammapada in my room, because she has good hearing.

I’m on yahoo answers sometimes and I ask honest questions of Buddhism. I have both atheists and Christians say harmful things towards me. They say things such as “You’re a Buddhist. Have fun wasting your life.” Whenever someone harms me, I let them. I feel like it is against Buddhism and selfish to defend myself. I’ve actually tried to kill myself because people have told me to.

I need another Buddhist to talk to. Even my therapist forced Christianity on me, which I think is illegal. But I’m so scared that I would be a bad person if I changed therapist. This problem is so severe that I went to a mental hospital for it. Turns out it was a religious and Christisn mental hospital. When I came out as a Buddhist, the other patients secluded me and even the doctors. Should I kill myself to be with Buddha?