Dear Allyson:

It was a great loss for you, losing your mother who was your best friend and you did so much together.

I often read people stating, like you did, that they “seem to attract very toxic people”- people like your ex friend who treated you very badly. I don’t know if the case is that people attract rude people… or that there are many rude people around, so you end up interacting with some because of the sheer number of people who are rude (when they are angry/ faced with distress).

Thing is to end interactions with a person who is rude to you and not tolerate or endure rudeness. It doesn’t matter if she is rude to you outside of church or in the possible future context of a church, better have minimal to no interactions with her.

I would say: keep reaching out to new people, cautiously, watch for their behavior when they are angry or otherwise distressed– that is the time to learn best if to keep interacting or not.

I hope you post again.

anita

Hello Allyson,

First off, please accept my condolences on the loss of your Mother to cancer – I lost my Father when I was 15 to the Big C. Remember to be kind to yourself as you continue to work through the grief process – there is no set path that one can take other than appreciating how you feel each day and being true to yourself.

I used to be a painfully shy introvert when I was younger and this was before the internet existed so long story short I had no other choice but to grow and adapt to the larger world of building my capacity to connect with people. Along the way, I grew to treasure the warmth of genuine people that shared similar interests.

The good news is that you also have the right spirit that it takes to attract friends that you can build healthy friendships with based on your statement “I try to be kind, outgoing, friendly,positive towards others to make good friends.” Don’t limit yourself! There are so many people that are attracted to these qualities. I also read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and it was a lifesaver in helping me make good connections. If you take the time to do five acts of kindness – large or small – a day you will discover a more rewarding day otherwise.

God Bless You! Grief is hard to do all alone – reach out to people at church and they will be there for you. Journal writing also helps sort through the grief that you are processing. Remember self respect is golden my dear. You are not alone in this world.

You are welcome, Allyson. Post again anytime.

anita