Hi,

Reading this as a male made me feel incredibly ashamed, I apologise that this was your first experience.

You have taken the first step, in recognising this relationship is toxic and I’m sorry but the harsh reality is he is using you for his own needs only. You deserve someone who keeps you safe and wants to wine and dine you. Puts effort into creating a bond or building a connection for a relationship.

It saddens me someone has taken advantage of you being vulnerable. Love can make you blind to the reality of the situation, I see you are young and thought by giving him sexual favours would make him love you. Many despicable men will take advantage of you in that way which is why it is important to guard and protect yourself in future from engaging in sex so soon.

You obviously regret it thus continued trying to make it work. However, we all make mistakes, do no make further mistake of subjecting yourself to being disrespected and further used. Do not try to justify it. Walk away and cut off all contact. You will hurt but heal in time. In future, if you do not want casual sex and more meaningful sex do not give in until you have commitment and know the guy is serious about you.

You were naive but do not let this define your future relationships. Take it as a harsh lesson and seek better for yourself as you deserve so much better.

Tim

Dear kriniwiiiiin:

What empathetic, intelligent and wise replies by Tim. It is a man who talks like Tim and whose actions fit such words that you need in your life, not the one you described, who tells you “that he misses and cares for you”, but “his actions don’t match with his words”.

Let’s look at his actions: he met you  once, had a date with you the second time, had sex with you the second time, and he calls you once a month for the purpose of having sex with you.

You wrote: “I can’t even voice out my thoughts to him because I’m afraid that he’ll think of me as crazy and an overthinker”-

– Clearly, he thinks of you  as a sex object. I don’t think that he cares one way or another how you think for as long as you service him sexually. He will probably approve of anything you think if it means that you will continue to avail yourself to him, and disapprove of anything you think if it means that you will no longer avail yourself to him (He would be okay with a woman who is “crazy and an overthinker” if that crazy and overthinking woman will have sex with him!)

“I remembered giving him my virginity during our second date because I thought that if I give him everything he will totally love me for life. But I was wrong… he was the first guy that I’ve dated that is why it’s so hard and painful for me to stay away from him”-

– in your mind, it is either him or no  one, either the little you have with him or nothing at all/ abject loneliness. I can see how in this comparison it is difficult for you to let go of the little you have with him.. a little something is better than Nothing.

Is my understanding correct?

anita

Well done! You did the hardest part, that took a lot of courage! Go out, don’t look back in this case and do better! All the best !