Sojourner,

I agree with Big Blue, though I’d put the last first. That ache in your tummy is perhaps missing the tenderness. You don’t need him for that, though, you just got used to him giving that to you. Perhaps if you were to spend time being kind and gentle with yourself, being tender, self nurturing, then your body would more easily remember “oh, right, I don’t neeeed him to be happy, warmed”.

Sometimes when we’ve just broken up with a partner, we have all sorts of thoughts like “I miss him, I miss our connection, I miss what he did for me”, which are fueled by our body’s desire for kindness, warmth, companionship. As we self nurture, that need in us is fed, and the thoughts naturally fade away, become less demanding of us. The thirst is met, fades.

With warmth,
Matt

Hi Sojo,

This is a mindfulness thing. Google mindfulness and putting things on a leaf. It is s way to manage thoughts that just pop up and that don’t serve you well. When you think of him, picture him on a large leaf floating away. A counselor will help with mindfulness.

Big blue

PS: yes chocolate helps 🙂 I have a lot more experience with chocolatefullness than with mindfulness lol.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Big blue.

It’s perfectly normal to linger on after a breakup, have your thoughts consumed by your ex and cling onto whatever last shred of hope there is. Is it healthy? No, I wouldn’t say so, particularly if it becomes an unhealthy obsession. But this is a part of grieving, and sometimes this process can take awhile. Embrace this pain (I know that sounds a little weird), but you have every right to feel the way that you do. A lot of times when we go through emotional pain, we do anything we can to avoid it and that doesn’t allow us to fully heal the proper way. Take all the time you need to get him out of your system; whether it be crying, eating chocolate, venting to friends. It seriously helps when we can understand and feel this pain but acknowledge that it’s only temporary. When we feel emotionally and mentally stable again, that is when we learn to let go.

Start doing yoga or meditation. This fosters mindfulness and helps us become in tune with our soul and inner needs. You’ll find that the things you were stressing about over your ex are becoming more insignificant as time goes by. Or perhaps write in a journal each day and thoroughly explain the emotions you are going through…write it all down and don’t skip a detail! While spending time with these journal entries, consider writing what you are grateful for, or what made you happy/smile that day. This will shift your attention to a more positive outlook on things.

In the end, time is your only solution to moving on. Trust the journey you are going through and the emotional pain you are going through, and you will come out of it as a more evolved person who grew through the pain rather than avoiding it.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Kelsi.