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How come it still hurts?

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  • August 29, 2016 at 12:07 pm #113634
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear carole:

    I don’t see a reason to keep this secret from him. Tell him of what you are aware of in a calm way. As long as you can control your emotions so that this will not turn into an argument that will destroy the vacation plans!

    Just tell him matter of fact. He should appreciate matter of fact, if he avoids emotions.

    Why does it still hurt? Because you were and still are attached to him and to the concept of your family. You still wish that the two of you were married and doing well as a couple.

    The more you relax into this still new reality, that he and you are divorced and the marriage is indeed over, the less it will hurt. Over time.

    anita

    August 29, 2016 at 12:56 pm #113645
    carole
    Participant

    You are so right Anita. I had thought I was nearing the end of the grieving both for the loss of my parents and the loss of him and our family. I guess I still need time. I had my head in a good space for awhile but retirement with oodles of alone time has set me back a little. We were just legally divorced recently too and it seems like I have to re-visit it every so often. He certainly has never given me any indication that he’d ever want to be with me, so it’s feels silly to be upset. I guess I should stop scrap booking pictures from our life as a family, huh! Thanks for the thoughts – I always appreciate your take on things!

    August 29, 2016 at 2:05 pm #113654
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear carole:

    You are welcome and thank you. The grieving process of your marriage; the process of adjustment to any big change, takes time and lots of gentleness and patience with yourself. I used to be taken by surprise when I made progress and then found myself back the way I used to be. It happened again and again. It is the nature of our brain learning something new, something significant new in your case. It takes time to weaken the old wiring and make new, literally it is a physical process of sort of … brain rearrangement. So gentle and patient.

    Post anytime.

    anita

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