Thank you for being so open. It still feels like a raw wound from the way you write. You hit on the answer when you said you wanted to look at the situation with “acceptance”. But how do you get there? I know how we don’t get there–and that is by asking “Why?” over and over when you cannot truly know the answer to why. There are the practical answers–he was immature, he wanted to play, etc. But you are seeking, I think, an answer to the cosmic why. You won’t likely find an answer to that by ruminating. When you move forward and live your life you may discern an answer. But that will be in time, if at all. Also, wondering “If only he (or I)…” is understandable but an impediment to your desire to accept. Acceptance is a “right-brain” concept. The right brain allows us peace. The left-brain digs for answers and reviews details–there is no peace just agitation. When we accept something it doesn’t mean it is desirable or good, only that is. By resisting acceptance you are doing battle with reality rather than finding peace. A simple repetition of “I don’t like it (left-brain judgment) but I accept it (right-brain)” you balance your brain and cultivate a more accepting attitude. Once you cultivate acceptance try adding a sense of trust. Trust that all is playing out in a manner that is ultimately to your soul’s best interest.Trust requires not digging for answers you cannot find. Trust is a leap of faith. I believe that when we accept want is and then trust that whatever happens/happened can be for our benefit–even if we do not like it–we can move forward to the life that awaits us. Best wishes.

Daring to be vulnerable in a public forum via thought-provoking and highly insightful writing defines you as a mature person who “gets it” regarding emotional self-improvement. Brava, well done!

I’m not a human behavioral expert nor do I know it all when it comes to developing and maintaining emotionally healthy relationships.

Nevertheless, I’ve learned much from both my platonic and romantic relationship experiences and know that it’s trust, and not love, that will result in an emotionally healthy relationship. Based on what you’ve written, you can’t trust your ex-boyfriend to consider your feelings and thoughts, or how his behaviors are damaging to your relationship. Love is never enough, especially when trust and respect aren’t present.

Your ex-boyfriend has done you a huge favor and revealed who he truly is at this point in his life (he can change, but when?). It’s a blessing that he has done so. Relationships end. Your relationship with him has run its course. You’ve outgrown your ex-boyfriend and should move on. There are too many implied key learnings I gleaned from your post to list them all here. I think you know what most of them are. These need to be the positives that you take away from this relationship to aid your own growth and development.

Both my high self-esteem and self-worth have been foundational to me achieving peace of mind when I struggle to forgive and forget after being treated poorly.

Your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself based on your actions. It’s what you have control over. It’s how you feel about yourself from the inside and what you manifest to the outside world. Your self-worth is more directly related to your overall feeling of importance and value in the world.

How do you feel about your own self-esteem and self-worth? I think you feel generally positive about these things. You like yourself enough and feel you add value to the world when you ask for self-improvement advice in a public forum. You want to do things differently, or better, so brava, well done again.

Other responses here have provided terrific nuggets of wisdom regarding how to move forward productively. In addition, I would say to source the many helpful articles on this website related to forgiveness, how to forget, and then how to move on.

“The failure is not in falling down, it’s in failing to get up.” Get up, forgive yourself first for any negative feelings you’ve had, or words/actions you’ve directed at your ex-boyfriend. You’re human and like each of us, you’ll always be a work in progress (the day you stop learning is the day you die). Likewise, forgive your ex-boyfriend because he’s human too, and like the rest of us, he will always be a work in progress.

At a minimum, every human being, regardless of her/his place in this world, deserves to be treated with grace, kindness, and respect. President John Kennedy once said “Civility is not a sign of weakness.” That you choose civility or “peace and no confrontation” is admirable. That your ex-boyfriend repeatedly failed to extend grace/kindness/respect to you is cause enough to question why he’s worth your productive time. He’s not worth your productive time. You deserve much better and it’s not egotistical to think so.

I hope you find a man worthy of you, and that you both rock each other’s world.

I’m sending good thoughts your way for great health, happiness, and peace.

All the best to you.