Dear norit:

I too felt very empty, unworthy; I too disliked myself and was very unkind to myself. I felt very guilty and very ashamed and believed I was justified to feel this way, that indeed there was something very wrong with me, inherently wrong. Following more than five years of daily ongoing healing, I like myself. I know I am worthy and my healing is still in progress. I am way healthier than I was. There is hope. You can heal. You can live a life as an individual. And no, there is nothing wrong with you other than you believing there is. Just like I did. And I no longer believe that. I remember it was a couple of years ago that it occurred to me for the first time that there is nothing wrong with me. I said it out loud, incredibly. Truly, it didn’t occur to me before.

Keep this thread going. Every time you post, I for one, will respond. You will see: good things will be happening within you soon enough, as already started.

anita

Norit,

{I don’t know if this is a long shot, but here goes nothing.}

It is significant that you had the spark to write your feelings on the forum. A positive step!

{I’ve been following Tiny Buddha for a few months now and since finding this website, among other things, I have greater understanding of myself and of codependency, and how skewed my views were generally up until now. It’s like I’m looking at life through new eyes. I am actually an individual, and not just here for my families’ sake.}

Returning your focus to the progress and the process will help get you through challenging times. Remember how far you’ve come.

{I’m 25 and suffer from anxiety, depression, and recovering from agoraphobia. I have very little self worth. I’m beginning to recognize my faults, but am still struggling. I feel so empty in regards to myself. I hate myself. I understand I need to love myself more, but don’t for the life of me know how. I’m trying to be kinder, to forgive myself, but I can’t shake off the feeling that I deserve to be miserable. I feel so ashamed of who I am, and for feeling this way. I can’t believe I’m sharing this on here.}

You realize you are far from being alone. It is good to trust enough to appropriately share in a safe setting.

{I would like to change. I would like to love myself, to care about myself, to actually want to live a life for myself, but it seems hopeless. I don’t know what to do. Is it possible to change? Is there something wrong with me?}

You have everything within you to be able to change the way you experience yourself and your life. The urge to make changes is where it starts. That urge came from within, where all resources needed to change also reside. Above all words from others, trust what is within you. Be grateful for what is. Laugh at yourself, gently. Let go of what hinders you. Embrace what supports and nurtures you. Take ‘things’ not so importantly. Listen deeply to what Life is saying to you, through your heart. Trusting it will give it space to unfold. One step at a time, guided by your own innate wisdom. And then, one day, you will realize you are a new person.

Yes, one person’s bravery and felt compassion from others make a difference.

Hrkg, I see low self esteem issues in people all around me and understand how debilitating it can be.

What is coming to me is on different tracks. One, is to investigate chemical imbalances in the body as a possible cause or contributing factor of your emotional turmoil and challenges. You may find that certain supplements support the changes you make in yourself towards emotional stability.

Another is to become involved in a group you find supportive at least for a transitional time. A virtual group like Tiny Buddha may serve that purpose.

A third is that ultimately only you can make the changes you desire for your life. The spark and determination must come from within. ‘The Impersonal Life’ is a spiritual classic which has potency in its words to help people make a shift in the way they see themselves, and to begin acting from inner strengths. I’ve been commenting on it chapter by chapter in Whole Human blog posts to make the text more accessible and global. You might take a look and see if the perspective of ‘The Impersonal Life’ is anything for you: http://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog-posts.html

Your low self worth does not mean you cannot take any steps. It just means that taking steps require that you apply yourself more diligently. You can take the needed the steps, you have everything needed within you.

On a lighter note, from an old joke, “What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?”

“Make me one with everything.”

The vendor said, that’ll be six dollars.

The Zen master gave him a twenty and waited.

Finally, he said, “I’m waiting for my change.”

The vendor replied, “Change comes from within.”

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Gary R. Smith.

Dear norit:

Sure I can share more about my healing. A bit over five years ago I started therapy with the first competent, empathetic, hard working psychotherapist. He sure did his best, not perfectly but he gave it his all. This is unfortunately rare among psychotherapists. His specialty was CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy combined with Mindfulness. Mindfulness, the skill of moving away from overly thinking and paying attention to the senses (what you see, hear, feel etc), observing thoughts (rather than being lost in them), observing emotions, body sensations- this is a skill to develop over time and is necessary for healing.

And so I recommend you too attend therapy with a competent, empathetic, hard working therapist. This is the place to start the healing process. After more than a couple of years of therapy I took the healing upon myself without further therapy. I worked hard, every day and I keep working at it, now that I have the tools and my Mindfulness skill is developed enough so that I do learn more and more, day after day.

This is not an easy process, and often it feels uncomfortable but at this point I have nowhere to go but forward. I can’t go backward even if I tried.

The anxiety and depression, the beliefs you have about yourself, that you are unworthy- this is a deep belief, a Core Belief my therapist called it. It is an emotional belief. You mentioned that at one point you too said to yourself that there is nothing wrong with you, you realized it emotionally. This means a new neuropathway in your brain, a new connection between neurons was being made in your brain. But the old connections still exist.

So as you make the new connection: I am worthy, the old connections of the I-am-unworthy type are still there and they get activated by different circumstances, triggers, thoughts. This is why it takes so long to heal, it takes a long time to weaken the old connections.

Basically, healing is about re-wiring the brain. In a few months of consistent therapy, you will notice significant changes.

I can share more. Ask and I will answer.

anita

Norit,

There is an article which fits in with this thread, as an approach to anxiety and depression and with activating new pathways. It is:

Cannabis Treats Anxiety, Depression and Activates Pathways That Regulate Emotional Behavior

Cannabis Treats Anxiety, Depression and Activates Brain Pathways That Regulate Emotional Behavior

5th August 2016

By Marco Torres

Guest writer for Wake Up World

Despite the myths we’ve heard throughout our lives about cannabis killing brain cells, a growing number of studies indicate that cannabis actually has neuroprotective properties. Cannabis has been found to have an incredible ability to regulate emotional behavior, and may be the most reliable medicinal plant available as a therapeutic target for the treatment of anxiety and depressive disorders.

The Role of Beta-Caryophyllene

Beta-caryophyllene, a terpene in cannabis, is present in the essential oils of various plants including rosemary, hops, black pepper and cannabis. Like most terpenes, beta-caryophyllene contributes to the unique aroma associated with plant oils. In 2008, German researchers discovered that beta-caryophyllene also acts as a cannabinoid by binding to marijuana pathways in the body. Although some compounds like THC activate both cannabinoid pathways — CB1 and CB2 receptors — beta-caryophyllene specifically targets the CB2 receptor, which does not produce a high.

Interestingly, a 2014 study conducted with mice suggests that beta-caryophyllene may be useful in treating anxiety and depression. The findings were published online in the journal Physiology & Behavior.

“The present study has clearly demonstrated the anxiolytic and anti-depressant effect of Beta-caryophyllene and its underlying mechanism in a CB2 receptor-dependent manner in rodents,” wrote the authors, a team of scientists with the United Arab Emirates University. “The results also support the involvement of the CB2 receptor in the regulation of emotional behavior and suggest that this receptor could be a relevant therapeutic target for the treatment of anxiety and depressive disorders.”

Previous studies have also demonstrated a role of CB2 receptors in reducing anxiety and depression, the team added.

On the other hand, CB1 receptors, which are more widely dispersed in the brain, are known to exert a ‘biphasic’ effect when it comes to anxiety and depression; studies show cannabinoids that target CB1 receptors can help at low doses, while high doses seem to make things worse.

A better understanding of beta-caryophyllene’s properties, however, may help explain why cannabis users often cite relief of anxiety and depression as reasons for their use.

Antidepressant and Antianxiety

Anxiety and depression are pathologies that affect human beings in many aspects of life, including social life, productivity and health. Cannabidiol (CBD) is a constituent non-psychotomimetic of Cannabis sativa with great psychiatric potential, including uses as an antidepressant-like and antianxiety-like compound.

Cannabis acts on both types of receptors which are distributed mainly in the brain and immune system, respectively. In the brain, CB1 receptors are also targeted by endogenous cannabinoids (i.e., endocannabinoids).

The hippocampus is able to generate new neurons (i.e., neurogenesis) throughout the lifespan of mammals, including humans, has changed the way we think about the mechanisms of psychiatric disorders and drug addiction.

Chronic administration of the major drugs of abuse including opiates, alcohol, nicotine, and cocaine has been reported to suppress neurogenesis in the brain. But cannabinoids appear to be the only illicit drug whose capacity to produce increased newborn neurons is positively correlated with its antidepressant-like effects.

Research published in the journals Behavioural Brain Research and Experimental Brain Research demonstrated that even extremely low doses of THC (cannabis’s psychoactive component) — around 1,000 to 10,000 times less than that in a conventional cannabis cigarette — can jumpstart biochemical processes which protect brain cells and preserve cognitive function say researchers from Tel Aviv University (TAU). Another example is a 2009 study which found that teens who used cannabis as well as alcohol suffered significantly less damage to the white matter in their brains. Some alcoholics have even recovered from their illness by using cannabis daily.

Dose is key and findings suggest that high doses of cannabinoids produce anxiety-like effects. To make things more complicated, acute, low doses of cannabinoids have been found to induce antianxiety-like effects. The opposing effects of high doses of acute and chronic cannabinoids, together with the antianxiety-like effects caused by a low dose of cannabinoids, may finally explain discrepancies in the clinical study literature regarding the effects of cannabinoid on anxiety and depression.

What is certain is that low-doses of cannabinoids do work. For some medical marijuana is helpful, not curative. But others have been able to completely eliminate their dependence on other medications altogether.

Anecdotal evidence for the benefits of cannabis for depression and anxiety are by itself useful to guide us to try using it for intractable disorders, that is, especially when we know that conventional treatments are inadequate, ineffective and proven to cause more harm than good.

Sources:

About the author:

Marco Torres is a research specialist, writer and consumer advocate for healthy lifestyles. He holds degrees in Public Health and Environmental Science, and is a professional speaker on topics such as disease prevention, environmental toxins and health policy.

Please note: This article originally appeared on PreventDisease.com.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Gary R. Smith.

Dear norit:

You are welcome. I re-read your original post as well as your latest. The title of your thread is “How can I love myself?”

I think I have the answer to how you can love yourself at this point, where you are, how you are now. And that is, to separate the part of your mind that is the little girl that you were, that you still are. See that little girl as that, a young child. She was born and is all innocent. She has done nothing wrong. She was the whole time and still is perfectly loving. All she ever wanted was to please and be approved by the adults in her live.

Every step you take today, tomorrow, imagine you are holding her hand and taking her along. She is very scared, crying, shaking. Notice when she is scared and comfort her. Literally give her a hug (arms around self), talk to her calmly, positively, gently. Place no pressure on her, be exceedingly patient with her. One little step, that is all you want her to take at any one time. Then congratulate her for that one little step.

And keep at it, going to therapy and everything else you do during the day.

The parts of you that you feel shame about, put them aside for now. Be engaged and focused on the little girl.

I hope your thread continues on and on. I have more thoughts but it is not about more thoughts, it is about implementing one practice and seeing how it works and if it does, persisting in it.

anita

Dear norit:

Understanding things, clarity is very important for mental health, well being. Please do evaluate any and every insight suggested to you by another person, any insight or information and figure out if it is true in your experience. Your crying reading my last post is meaningful. It means that your inner child, that young girl I mentioned, felt understood, that she indeed needs you to be gentle, patient and kind to her.

Of course it is fine for you to share more, to update with your thoughts. I would like you to do that, very much so.

I am not writing more of my thoughts (forgot them at the moment, will have to refresh) because information in mental health is valuable only if you pay attention and practice it. When you cried, it means your inner child needs you to be loving to her. The practice needed is just that, you being loving to her.

This is crucial. So please do that every step of the way today, and every day, best you can. Don’t fail your little girl. She needs you to love her. Always. And no matter what.

anita