How Can I Let Go and Feel at Peace?

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 1 month ago by Brav3.

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February 4, 2017 at 1:09 am #126687

tiny
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Hi,

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, via text. He stopped loving me, he said he got bored, that I wasn’t “the one”, that we had nothing in common, that I was wrong for him. He even asked to be friends last month, I said no. We are not on speaking terms, and I have deleted him on Facebook. So I have cutting him out of my life covered. I have deleted all our photos, and I have gained the strength to not read our old conversations.

But it’s hard. I never did him wrong. Yes, we fought like any normal couple but we would make up that day. I loved him, I loved his family, I supported him and his decisions, and everything. I was and am far from wrong. We were a great couple, there was an emotional and physical attraction. But something in him just changed, and he stopped loving me. And now I wish to change as well.

I gave him my virginity. The thing I had kept for the guy I would marry. He was my first love, 10 months spent with him and I learned a lot.

I know he is not coming back. He feels nothing for me, yet I feel everything. But I’m slowly moving on, the sight of him doesn’t ache my heart, and some mornings he isn’t the first thought in my head. Sometimes I can smile, and sometimes the thought of him doesn’t cause me sadness as much as it did a month ago. I’m trying to become the best version of myself, one day I will get there.

We have just resumed classes and he is in mine, I can see him glancing at me sometimes, he said to my friend he feels uncomfortable around me. I smile when I am around him, I laugh and I am happy around him. I do not look directly at him, and I can see him looking at me with some sort of hurt or bitterness. Which I don’t understand since he broke up with me!

But how do I let him go? How can I stop caring about his thoughts on me and what he is up to? How can I just be at peace?

Please please help me.

February 4, 2017 at 4:01 am #126688

Nina Sakura
Participant

Hello Tiiiny

You are hurting because the feelings are there and no doubt because he suddenly changed. It’s not your fault though. These things have happened sometimes in relationships we experience where one person just falls out of love at some point. It is very painful for the other partner though because they are so involved in the relationship.

Imagine the two of you tied with red string. Though it has been cut off, the memories of the experience are something your mind and body will take time to process. It will be a bit like experiencing grief in a way – something in life has vanished, a cold, dreary winter is coming and you wonder if things will get better.

They do though. How?

With time. Ask him though what went wrong in person. A text was not a good way to break up at all. Get your closure for real. Go and have a solid talk with him no matter how weird it feels. Get your answers.

Find something in your life to fill the loneliness and despair you feel at this moment. Something to fill the hours atleast.

Then Spring does come and it will get better.

Regards
Nina

February 4, 2017 at 7:51 am #126697

Anonymous
Guest

Dear tiiiny:

You wrote: “we fought like any normal couple”- my question: what were your fights about? How often?

You asked: “But how do I let him go? How can I stop caring about his thoughts on me and what he is up to? How can I just be at peace?”

My answer: you learn all that you can learn from the relationship so to do your part in having, hopefully, a better relationship in the future. Then, you do what you have been doing: notice the improvements in how you feel as time goes on. Notice your pain diminishes with time. You developed a strong emotional attachment to this man, and so, it hurts when separating from the object of our attachment. It is natural and understandable.

Post here anytime, if it is of help to you.

anita

February 4, 2017 at 2:13 pm #126736

Jennifer Boyatt
Participant

Dear tiiiny,

Just like when you break a leg, or something like that, even if you do every thing right (get a cast, get some rest), it still hurts for a while and takes time to heal.

Even more so our heart. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help yourself (That’s awesome, you are very wise!). But it is just going to take time. Grieve and cry when you feel like it. Laugh when you feel like it. Neither is wrong. It just is.

A broken heart is the lot of every man or woman, from some reason or other. Welcome to the club.

*big hugs*
Jennifer

February 6, 2017 at 9:12 pm #126935

Brav3
Participant

Hi,

It seems to me that you are already doing what you can do in this situation. However, you are not understanding the real meaning of letting go is.

I know it hurts to have your heartbroken into million pieces. But the whole idea of letting go is you let it be. That means

1. You do not run from your pain.
2. You do not erase your painful past but you accept it fully.
3. You also do not run from painful thoughts, feelings and emotions but you let them be
4. You forgive that person

So, if you really want to learn to let go, learn to be comfortable with your difficult emotions and thoughts. And that means neither getting carried away ,seek revenge or blame yourself nor numbing yourself and suppressing. YOU LET IT BE !!!

Good luck
Brav3
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