Dear Finch:

“I have always been fearful of ‘losing control’ of myself…  mindfulness of myself and my thoughts has been the one successful route to calm my impulses and feel at peace with the world… to resort to self-abandonment through intoxication of any form to me represents this fundamental and deep self-destructive behavior“-

– reads to me that you are afraid to lose control of yourself, and therefore, you are afraid of alcohol and other mood altering drugs that bring about loss of self-control. Practicing Mindfulness is the opposite of losing self-control, and it works for you!

“At times, however, I feel a certain guilt in this absolute abstention from intoxication, as if I am creating this opinion on anxiety alone rather than true mindfulness and acceptance of my continued sobriety… How should I perceive these feelings, and how should I decide which feelings come from a place of guilt, and which feelings come from a place of self-knowledge?–

– reads to me that your anxiety has a lot to do with the extent of your anti-alcohol/ drugs feelings. But.. what’s wrong with anxiety alone being the reason behind your abstinence from mood altering drugs? Whatever increases your anxiety, when it’s not necessary for your survival and.. even socialization- you should avoid, is what I think.

The guilt feelings is about being the only one, the odd one in the group of friends and boyfriend, and for having negative feelings toward your friends and boyfriend because of their use of alcohol, in any amount, in any setting- isn’t it?

There are such communities as Alcoholics Anonymous that socialize plenty without a single drink.. or drugs. There is an article: “Navigating social situations as a non drinker” by AARP. org, Jan 2020, “How to make friends without alcohol, very well mind. com, Sept 2020, “How to have fun and socialize sober”, by Ed Latimore. com, and more.

anita