Hey,

I do understand a bit of how you feel – I have felt this embarrassment and weariness often. The way i found peace was through better understanding of myself and of others. It is an uncomfortable feeling to feel weird and out of place while with others – I realized though that me being conscious about my acne, weight, certain aspects of my mannerisms were just about me – I wasnt as nervous about being asked those questions as much as i feared the judgment of the answers. This is how i learned to rethink after a lot of unpleasantness and personal attacks even – The truth is, most people dont think that much about me – How often would you think of someone else’s piercings or acne or their fat arms anyway? Sure you would ask them out of curiosity sometimes but thats about it really. We’re all too concerned mostly with our state to truly be that interested in someone else. We’re all hiding some skeletons in our closet and some questions bring those out more.

But here’s the thing – Can we let go of the idea that people care as much as we think?

Secondly, even if they judge me, that is based on an incomplete picture presented to them. Besides, what does it matter if they judge me? Whats the worst that could happen anyway? I do have people in my life who love me. Why should i worry so much about these outside people? As for you not wanting to socialize, thats okay! We’re all different – when you feel comfortable, go ahead. If you dont, you dont. Why judge yourself so much if you cant fit into some norm? If you do feel that your fear is preventing you from socializing rather than you “should”, then we can talk about ways to cope with the anxiety. Whatever the case, be kinder to yourself.

If it is indeed anxiety, on a scale of 10, can you tell me 10 things that terrify you socially – 1 being the mildest and 10 being the scariest? Are you an introvert or otherwise?

Regards,
Moon

PS: I have had social anxiety forever and I am still coming to terms with it – I did find this book very helpful called Sean Cooper’s “Overcoming Social Anxiety System” – he made some very simple and applicable points. The rest of the books were too vague and high-fi for me to understand and apply.

Dear Someone:

Your last paragraph, how to cut your troubling thoughts with scissors, so to speak, perfectly stated, says I. Those negatively critical, shaming, fault finding thoughts are generated by your toxic inner critic, your inner bully as I like to term it. That inner bully was generated by the outer bully or bullies in your early life. It is like the outer bully when you were a child (FORMATIVE years) sent the many little bullies to live in your brain and continue the “good work”- those inner bullies will not listen to reason, reason manufactured by other parts of your brain because they (those neurons) are not connected to the reasonable neurons. The bullying neurons have their own pathways. They are either ON or OFF. So like with a pair of scissors, you cut that pathway every time you notice it, that is you switch the ON to OFF. Those pathways, the inner bully pathways, know nothing but ON or OFF.

P.S. You started the thread with “I am an inadequate adult.” I wish you would cut that sentence off, cut, cut.

anita