Hi,

And I’m sorry for your pain and suffering.
I’ll try my best to simplify my response.

This is just my perspective. There are way better resources on this site or from
professionals.

What I’m saying and what things you read will take some time to process. It won’t make sense because of your immense pain and
your brain chemistry is not stable. I went through a tough loss of a relationship 4 months ago. It’s been hell every single day. 90 percent of my thoughts
were of her and I slept every day at 3 or 4 am. This is coming from a guy that is usually very stable minded and a leader of a lot of people. Anyone can break down and be completely broken. I read mindbodygreen and tinybuddha for the past 2 years and I know the answers, but it takes time to process the information after a big loss. Even if it’s logical, your mind is still to disrupted to accept it.

What I learned from all of this:

1. Perspective changes everything. If all of your happiness were from 2-3 people and thats who you spend time with most of your life, then losing them will feel
like HELL and you will be loss. Your mind chemistry and all of your happiness are attached to them.

Go out and make new experiences and meet new people. You’ll know more happiness and your mind will understand that there is more happiness out there.

2. If you have no goals or passions. You’ll feel stuck. If have someone thing look forward to working on everyday so that you’ll move forward, you won’t feel stuck.
This alone is what held me together. It gave hope that things will be better eventually.

3. Accept the loss. Accept that those memories were beautiful. Accept that it hurts and keep practice on letting it go. You won’t be able to accept the loss in a day, week, month or even months. But, you’ll better each week, little by little. Even if it’s only 1% at a time.

4. Ultimately I felt better when I accept everything. Love, kindness, and compassion was the ultimate healer. Bitterness, jealousy, and hate DIDN’T SERVE ME WELL at all.

5. You’ll go through hell for a while. I’m sorry, but that’s just how things work. Maybe less? But, you just don’t know. But, with time and understanding the hurt will lessen. Please, go through this HELL mindfully, so the next time around, you’ll be prepared.

6. Be grateful for what you have. Other’s have much less and loss much more. This also helped me. Though at the moment you can only feel your own and won’t understand gratefulness. But, practice this. It took me a while to be grateful. Not being clinically depressed or have chronic disease is a great gift!!! I’m very grateful for that.

This is just my perspective. There are a lot of great resources on this site and mindbodygreen.

Check out:

1. Letting Go
http://dev.tinybuddha.com/category/blog/letting-go-blog/

2. Changes
http://dev.tinybuddha.com/category/blog/change-challenges-blog/

3. Meaning and Passion in life
http://dev.tinybuddha.com/category/blog/meaning-passion-blog/

This may not be the answer to your long term situation, but sometimes when I feel sad it’s because I am spending too much time thinking about what’s missing, or gone. When that happens I remind myself to make lists of all the things that I like or love about my life. It helps me remember how good life is. It doesn’t even have to be all that great. For me something as simple as, the taste of and crunch of a green apple, or the bite of can of icy soda lead to better and better feelings. Eventually it becomes people I love and all the great things about the world. It’s deceptively simple but it really works for me.