Dear boykismet:

A side note, sure you considered it, that is gaining weight by consuming protein, as do those wanting more muscle weight, drinking those high protein, high fat powder mixes? Gaining weight not by eating carbs?

Main note:

Your story, a story of a young child, living in a loveless home, with a father and a mother neither giving you the love you needed, the love any and every child needs. A child hungry for love, sexualized at a young age, and then exposed to the notorious sex clubs, meth to top the train heading for a wreck.

To Love and Be Loved- that primary, persistent need we all have. Any thing will do in the absence of love, anything will be taken on as a substitute, as an attempt to get what the world is so short of, love.

To feel whole, go back to that child that you were, go there with your mind. That child is you. Still needs the same thing. Focus your …spiritual practice on loving yourself completely, no reservations. Do all you can for your health and for the health of others as far as not infecting others with your HIV.

Stay away from people and places where it is not LOVE that is there for you. Accept nothing short of love.

Love does not make you sick (HIV), it does not tear your body, damage it. Love is not in those clubs and it is not in that meth…unsexualize yourself; love yourself.

And do post again, anytime.

anita

Hi boykismet,

My story is very similar to yours. I understand where you are at mentally, emotionally and physically. It is a horrible place to be and I am sorry that you are going through the pain.

What most people don’t understand about being HIV+ is that while it is no longer a death sentence, it IS a life sentence. And to be honest…there are days that I don’t feel like a life sentence is better than a death sentence. Like you, I am incredibly blessed and know that I could be much more worse off than I am now. But some days, that is not enough to keep me from being completely overwhelmed by my status.

If I could give you any kind of advice, it would be to create a new definition of what “whole again” means to you. Unfortunately, we can never go back to our pre-HIV+ days. We will never have that life again. Hopes, dreams and even rules that applied in our old lives are gone and we are left to build new ones. It is grueling and exhausting at times, but it can be done. If I could encourage you in anyway, it would be to find the empowerment in defining your new life and hope that it leads to excitement about the future you are building.

More than anything, I wish I could reassure you that yes, The Universe is teaching you a lesson and what the reason is for that lesson. But unfortunately, I cannot because only YOU can learn the lesson. Instead, I will reassure you that you are not alone and who you are right now at this very moment IS good enough. You don’t have to be more for anyone but yourself. You are a piece of The Divine and you are perfect they way you are.

Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself,
d

• This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by danaken.

Hi boykismet…sorry, I have not been on the forums and did not see your reply. Yes, we have to stay strong. The alternative is giving up and I’m not a quitter!!! I’ve learned to chose my battles to win the war.

I am up for talking privately. What is the best way to go about that? You can’t message each other privately on here, can we?