Dear Jake:

You wrote that you were “often angry at her for no reason”.

Only there was a reason. Doesn’t mean she did anything wrong to you, but there was a reason.

You wrote: “I have lived a life chasing the expectations of others”- is the reason here, in this sentence?

You chased the expectations of others, meaning, you didn’t catch up to those expectations, this is why you kept chasing. Didn’t fulfil those, kept chasing. How did it feel, how does it feel?

anita

Dear Jake:

You wrote in your original post: “I am always chasing the affirmations of someone else rather than doing something for me”.

Is that why you joined the Marines? To receive your father’s approval of you, his affirmation that you are a good boy, a good person?

“I met my goal of joining the Marines, by now that I have been our I don’t feel any reason to do anything”- the reason you don’t feel like doing anything may be that you are tired of chasing your father, then tired of chasing others, chasing for that affirmation that you are  a good boy, a good person.

Without that affirmation, without knowing that you are a good person, how can you proceed to live your own life and do anything at all for you…

Am I correct?

anita

Dear Jake:

“I’m off on my own”, you wrote. It is very difficult to start adult living without that affirmation so needed in childhood. A child needs to know he (or she) is okay, acceptable, a good person before living a good, functional life as an adult.

Too many of us face adult living without that affirmation, without that desperately needed approval. What now and where does one go from here?

Slowly, cautiously, open yourself to the idea that you are okay, acceptable and a good person, loving and lovable. Consider it. I had no idea I was okay, no idea until I considered it.

Feel free to post more, for as long as it may be helpful to you. Take good care of yourself.

* will be back to the computer in about sixteen hours.

anita

You are welcome, Jake, and thank you. Post again anytime, if you would like to.

anita