Hi Hmvg,

I’ve been at my own rock bottom so I know how crappy it can feel. One positive is you are aware and reaching out. Every positive step forward is a plus. Accepting yourself is a positive. You shared your story, so you are accepting yourself already. Another plus.

Now move the alcohol out of your place. I have had a food problem – if it’s not around I am not tempted to eat it. Once the alcohol is gone, another positive. Replace that escape with something healthy like a walk outside when you are feeling down. That’s a plus. Eating good food and sleeping enough are more positives. Try to do these even if you are not into it.

Is your career something that a recruiter could help you with? If so, look on the web for recruiters. Find 2-3 and call them. Introduce yourself. Visit them so they can do their best in finding you great job prospects. I propose this approach because they are experts at this. They will identify and compliment your career accomplishments, skills, passion, goals, etc. they will coach you with little adjustments to help you. Use this to refresh your LinkedIn if you use that. Each step here is positive. More pluses. Now you have some independent perspectives from recruiters, so you are not going to sell yourself short, right? You would not want to do that again. Now you have more confidence. A big plus. While the recruiters are busy looking, contact folks who you know and say you are looking for certain work. Send that updated resume. Ask for coffee meet ups for advice. If you can’t work with recruiters, then use your initial job prospecting as feedback to make your own adjustments. But, I urge you to use recruiters because they have the contacts. This is way better than sending out 100 resumes / online applications without a contact.

On the personal side, you are taking care of yourself and your daughter. You don’t need a boyfriend right now. It’s ok that you went back. Let yourself off the hook on that. We all take risks and sometimes they don’t make sense or pan out. Be kind to yourself and chill out. Forgive yourself. Another positive. Settle that out for another plus.

I’ve offered up a lot of ideas here and I’ll stop at that. I’m sure the tinybuddah community will have lots more advice, especially from a young mom’s perspective.

Big blue

I just want to tell you: do not define yourself by your perceived failings: What matters and who you are is defined by how you come out on the other side. Hold your head up and be true to yourself and if you do not know how to do that then find out who you are. That is what I am doing. I dedicated my life to my children and they ripped out my heart but it forced me to find out WHO I WAS not just a MOM and a TEACHER; those are labels but they are not WHO I AM. Redefine yourself and perservere! What is the other option? Forgive yourself for everything! you are human……and it really hurts to be human!

jbond

I feel like a lot of these experiences are relatable in one way or another to my life. Going through caustic relationships are rough, and it definitely feels like almost the death of someone whom you’ve spent your time, love and energy. I think after reading what people have posted to you thus far, Al definitely had some valuable insight into your situation (everybody has made useful points, however). You know what makes you unhappy and what you dislike, and you have the means to change most of that! I was hospitalized back in early May for a massive panic attack that left me on the floor passed out sweating, shaking, etc. This was following the end of a relationship I was in this year. My finances are shot as well, and I’m currently feeling about as alone can be while sending out countless applications over the course of the week. I smoke weed to calm my nerves, which isn’t good for me but sometimes the pain is unbearable. But I know what makes me unhappy and what makes me happy. I like playing music, writing, and blogging. That is what I’m going to do, for me, and not for the attention of others. Find comfort in what you’ve already accomplished, and for being blessed with a daughter. Regardless of any advice someone gives you, know that this too is temporary and you WILL bounce back. And when you do, don’t forget about the pain of your past situations, and use that as a guideline to make wiser relationship choices in the future. Take care!