His silent treatment is driving me crazy

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This topic has 36 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 4 months ago by Eliana.

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July 20, 2017 at 9:13 am #159174

Anonymous
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Dear Connie:

Very reasonable possibilities in your last three lines. I am thinking anger is a very reasonable explanation- his emails and the silence-in-between (indeed a silent treatment) read like passive-aggressive behavior. Trying to indeed punish you, cause you distress by guilt tripping you on one hand, and responding with silence to your many efforts to reach out to him. If this is the case, his anger does not come from “all the pain (you) have caused him”, it must have been there from before you being in his life.

It also reads reasonable to me that he doesn’t want to be the bad guy, that he is presenting the image of a kind, good guy, hiding the part of him that is angry, resentful, maybe even hateful.

anita

July 20, 2017 at 2:40 pm #159252

Eliana
Participant

Hi Connie,

Great job on the e-mail you sent him! I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all this hurt and pain go away. I broke two toes today, so at last you are not on crutches and pain meds. Let me get some rest, and I will see if I can come up with some other ideas.

July 20, 2017 at 5:05 pm #159262

Connie
Participant

Hello Anita,

Your feedback was very insightful. Perhaps he guilt-tripped me to make himself less guilty for ending the relationship.

Hello Eliana,

I am so sorry to hear your inquiry. Please rest well and take good care of yourself.

I will keep posted if anything comes up.

July 22, 2017 at 7:11 am #159556

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Connie:

Post again anytime, with your thoughts and feelings.

anita

July 22, 2017 at 7:16 pm #159648

Connie
Participant

I am afraid that I can never move on from this relationship. His silent treatment is so hurtful. I don’t understand why we can’t talk like adults – have a really calm and peaceful conversation. It makes me wonder if what we had was even real.

I can’t stop thinking all emails he sent me. They all sound struggling as if he wanted me to go back and ask him for another chance. I did everything but nothing worked. It hurts me every time he ignores me.

I try to stay positive and move on at every waking moment. But deep inside I feel so lost and hopeless. Sometimes I just want to shut myself down forever. I seriously don’t know if I will be able to love again.

July 23, 2017 at 5:10 am #159652

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Connie:

This is a disturbing thought, isn’t it- that he may be hurting you on purpose, that this is his intent, to punish you. Almost unbelievable, isn’t it? And yet, people do that. And he may be doing just that. His past struggling emails, if he was telling the truth, that he thinks about you every moment, hard to imagine his silence in the face of his alleged struggle.

anita

July 23, 2017 at 9:21 am #159704

Eliana
Participant

Hi Connie,

We can give you all the advice and assumptions in the world, but the truth is: we don’t know this man. Only you do, and only you know what is best. We can’t make the assumption, that he is “punishing you” manipulating you” “a bad guy” “a good guy” “someone struggling or suffering” based on our understanding of an e-mail of someone we don’t know. These are only “assumptions” about him, not based on truth, evidence or facts.

What I feel you need is some type of closure, or you will only be “guessing” such as your title thread “his silent treatment is driving me crazy”. This will continue to keep you perplexed until you can actually talk to him in some way. He did try to reach out by sending you an “I miss you” e-mail. Maybe that was the best he could do, to let you know he still cares. We can’t assume he is manipulating because of an “I miss you” e-mail. You will most likely continue to drive your self crazy and ruminate until closure is found, and the only way, is to stop guessing, and just have a talk with him. If he says “it’s over” it will hurt like heck, but at least you will know “things are over” so you can move on. Feel free to share your thoughts.
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