To me, the problem is not his past but the way he keeps talking about it. Who in the world wouldn’t be annoyed to hear about his/her partner’s past all the time? If he did not keep talking about his past, I believe you would not be making it a problem because it wouldn’t be in front of you.

My suggestion is simple: Tell him how it makes you feel when he talks about his ex politely. An understanding person should realize his mistake and stop talking about his ex. If he is not understanding, and if he keeps talking about his ex, I think things will just get worse and your pain will grow. Do not let that happen. Talk to him and see whether he respects your feelings or not about this.

I really don’t understand how people cannot realize how it can hurt their partner when constantly talk about their exes. That’s so wrong.

• This reply was modified 11 years, 3 months ago by Neil.
• This reply was modified 11 years, 3 months ago by Neil.

Why does he have pics of her so readily available? How long ago did they date? How do you know about the messages? Most importantly…why is he mentioning her so much???

It sounds like they have unfinished business if she is trying to find out info about you, she is contacting him, he is tempted to reply and has old pictures of her around, and he talks about her so much. Your female intution sounds dead on from what you are describing. As long as your facts are honest, it sounds like your gut is telling your something is off and for good reason. Even someone without your past would be left doubting. It seems wise to set some reasonable boundaries and expectations if he wants to be exclusive with you.

Your jealousy and desire to take revenge is understandable, but I’m guessing that since you are on this kind of forum that you get that there is a productive way to handle uncomfortable feelings.

Good luck.

Suma, please never ever think of revenge or hurting someone because you were hurt. Most of the times, people do not truly realize that you are hurt but when you do something intentionally to hurt them, you become the evil one at once. They will not remember that you were hurt but they will remember that you hurt them. Believe me you wouldn’t want to be in that position. Just stay on the positive and good side but also do not refrain from expressing your feelings and opinions politely.

I think, and this is my personal honest opinion, if things stay the same, you will not be able to accept it and move on. You just can’t because it will hurt you every time it happens. And it will get more difficult to continue every time. It would hurt me if it happened to me. I can’t think of someone who wouldn’t get hurt by that.

So, the only solution to this and if you both want to continue a healthy relation, is that he should stop upsetting you with everything about his ex. You cannot control him, you can control yourself. If I were you, instead of accepting the growing pain, I would make it clear to him that it can’t continue if he keeps disturbing your (you+him) peace with his ex. Because it really can’t.

Suma, it is not wrong of him not to speak badly about her but it is wrong of him to keep talking about her. Although the only real solution for me is that he shall stop talking about her but if he will not stop talking about her, If I were you, I wouldn’t talk about her at all, good or bad, none. And leave him to be the only one talking about her. If you can do that, in time you will see that it will not affect you as much as it was affecting earlier.

Everyone is different. Everyone can have better things than others. But it definitely is not fair for you to be compared to anyone especially to his ex. I am not the best man in the world, I am not the richest, I am not the smartest, I am not the cutest, but do I give a sh.t? I don’t, because whoever will accept me, should accept me the way I am. And only with that person I can find happiness.

Only your heart can tell you whether you can continue like this or not.