fbpx
Menu

Hi! I just wanted to share my story. I hope it can help someone!!!

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Hi! I just wanted to share my story. I hope it can help someone!!!

New Reply
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • September 20, 2015 at 11:44 am #83680
    Todd
    Participant

    P.S I am able to drink responsibly now. I simply started fixing the triggers. I am pretty proud of it. I am not on adderall but I am on a stimulant for my ADD. I do not abuse it now.

    September 20, 2015 at 12:44 pm #83689
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear toddinrochester:

    Thank you so much for your share: what an unusual to read account! It is amazingly interesting. You wrote in the last pragraph: “I silenced my persecuting critics.” I know mine very well and it is getting much quieter these very days. I am not and never have been psychotic but the “internal critic” or the Freudian “superego” is part of the psyche everyone has. Brian was the worst of your voices, the “toxic internal critic.” I recently created a “chosen mother” maybe one similar a bit to Kelly, the calming voice and I call her when I sense the presence of my toxic internal critic. I suppose psychosis, yours was your brain trying to help itself. Only Kelly’s promises didn’t come true. My created “chosen mother”- she doesn’t promise.

    Can you tell me more about how you silenced your “persecuting critics”???

    (And who was in your childhood your real persecuting critic? father? Mother? An older sibling? Are you in relationship with him or her? How do you deal with critical people?)

    Thank you again for your share. I hope my questions do not trigger anything negative- if they do, I am fine with you not answering my questions.

    September 20, 2015 at 12:56 pm #83692
    Matic
    Participant

    A very interesting story. It may sound strange but I am also proud of you! 🙂

    Matic

    September 20, 2015 at 1:24 pm #83693
    Todd
    Participant

    Hola! I truly believe to this day that I was Schizophrenic and my inner critic was silenced when I got lucky one day and began to train myself with CBT to simply respond and take the power away from the voices. There are times to this day that I actually miss “Kelly”. I went through a long period of time after kicking the substance abuse and alcohol problem that I felt un-worthy of love. I would think about Kelly often. It was bizarre to miss a voice. I didn’t have a normal childhood. I grew up alone mostly as my Father died when I was 3. My Mother worked two jobs to raise my sister and I. I was incredibly independent. I have this odd belief that anyone can become schizophrenic at anytime. Follow me here…. You spoke of your “inner critic”. Schizophrenia is, in my belief, that point that you give the inner critic power. So I can’t tell you of one person that was persecutory or a harsh critic. My mother did an absolutely fantastic job raising my sister and I. Your claim of being never “psychotic”. We all teeter at the edge of a cliff of sanity…. =)

    September 20, 2015 at 1:30 pm #83694
    Todd
    Participant

    Thank you! I am proud of what I got through. I am currently in school for Behavioral Psychology and addictions counseling. I plan on using what I went through as street cred in a profession that is in demand. I am 41 and currently a Hardware Engineer at one of the largest companies in the world (sounds like moracle) and have a very solid career that I had to rebuild after my 7 years of abuse and two years of schizophrenia. My heart is in helping people. I want to be a different type of voice in the addictions world. There is a belief and its taught that addictions and counseling are a disease and its not your fault. I do not agree with that one bit. We all have choices. Predisposed or not. Its a choice. There is a trigger for your addictions. You can fix it. I did it. I am not special! I simply lived by this quote in my darkest days ” At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end” – Chris Mason Miller.

    September 20, 2015 at 1:32 pm #83695
    Todd
    Participant

    Also there is nothing you can trigger. I am recovered. Not in recovery. =)

    September 20, 2015 at 1:35 pm #83696
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear toddinrochester:

    In my claim that I was never psychotic, there is no pride. there is no saying: I am better than you because I was never psychotic. Not at all. What I tried to express was respect for your particular manifestation of voices, that of schizophrenia. I think that all mental illnesses exist on a continuum and my internal critic is your Brian. I created my “chosen mother” I suppose in a similar way to how you subconsciously created Kelly. I did not think of my toxic internal critic as a voice within me or outside of me, it just was and i was miserable. With ongoing mindfulness I became aware of its voice and it sure does have its character. It definitely interpreted situations for me in certain ways. I often say it is not only psychotic that are deluded, that is believing in what is not true: most people do. CBT is an excellent practice of challenging false/ distorted beliefs and replacing them with realistic beliefs.

    Your testimony strongly supports CBT as a skill and practice to help with distorted thinking as manifest in the extremes of schizophrenia. It is an excellent tool in helping with distorted thinking that extremely distress lots and lots of people.

    I am very impressed and uplifted by your share and please post any time with any more. Best wishes to you:
    anita

    October 10, 2015 at 1:00 pm #85186
    lovelimess
    Participant

    There are professionally sound ministers that can save you from anything! Or it’s schizophrenia.

    Well played.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.