Hello again!

I met with a new therapist for me Friday morning what a world of difference! I felt stronger and had questions for when I met my guy yesterday.

He and I talked for several hours yesterday about where he is in his head. He’s lost. He is finally processing that his exwife selfishly abandoned him and his kids. He’s upping his own therapist appintments. He is not cutting me out of his life. We are remaining friends, best friends first and foremost. And we are also slowing things way down. I’m not going to go out there as often nor will stay as long.

We talked about what he can say to his kids, “daddy is taking some time right now to think about everything that has happened this past year. I am still friends with bricklady, as you are. You can call, email, text her at anytime. And we will see her soon”

It was super freaking hard unpacking all my stuff last night. He gave it all back to me and said probably 20+ times that it was so I could have my things while he takes this time to work on himself. That he wants/hopes it will be all back over at his house.

So I have a lot more hope than I did earlier this week. It’s going to be hard changing the routine of not being with that family for a while. I need to work on ways to be supportive and not smothering. He was so surprised that I was like, “you need time, no problem. Take it. I support this 1000%. I want you to work through this and be happier. There is no time table on how long this will take.”

The reality that my stuff being gone from his place is hard. Occasionally the thought of it being a seperation move as well Pops in my head. And we even talked of that yesterday. I want to have hope and believe him when he says it’s only for while he’s working on himself.

We have tentative plans to have time together in the next few weeks. We’ve talked and agreed on taking a class together on a hobby he does. He’s in communication more since we’ve talked.

The time apart is going to suck. If we continue to be more open with each other I pray that in the end it will bring us closer together. I know he loves me as he knows I love him.

Something he is going to work on his how to prioritize and get a handle on how he worries about things. Its a large cause of his anxiety and I think when he works on that a lot of other stuff will fall into place.

I see my therapist on Tuesday morning. I really liked her. I felt like she listened a lot and had questions and insights that made sense.

Yesterday was hard. He sent photos throughout the day of what he and the kids were doing which did help and we texted a little last night. I think I will have to get some sort of routine going to help me fill my time and get stronger.

Mondays, movie or walking.
Tuesdays & Weds work late go home and crash
Thursdays dinner with friends.
Friday, walking
Saturday and sunday will be the worst. Lunch with friends, clean the house, movies, play pinball, hiking, anything to fill the time.

Change has always been hard for me and this is throwing me for a loop.

Morning.

I had a session with my therapist today, telling her how the weekend went and the discussion my fellow and I had. She had some insightful things to share.

Meanwhile, I have some friends who in my opinion are not supportive of how my guy and I are transitioning. While I want them to say “You are making what you believe is the right choice and I support you” They are instead saying the opposite. One lit into me so bad last night I had an anxiety attack at dinner and walked out of the restaurant. If I feel like I need to share with my friends she suggested that I preface my sharing with, “I need to talk/vent without needing a response back” If my friends are capable of listening, great; if not, great and I then I can not share with them.

I am struggling with my anxiety so we are going to work on that next week. And she liked my idea of a routine, to keep my life going and not staring at the clock watching the minutes tick by.

So that’s where I am today, breathing and keeping calm.

Thank you! It definitely helps me to process whats going on and even if it get me through the anxiety of that one moment of the day It helps.

He and I have been in contact, I am giving him his time and space that he requested and I know he sees that I am respecting him.

I spoke to my therapist today about his older daughter, how she speaks to him, treats him which is horrible and demeaning. She suggested that I mention to our mutual friends about how his older daughter speaks and treats him. But it goes back to how he needs to work on dealing with conflict, which he does not do well with. It makes me wonder if his ex wife spoke to him the way his oldest daughter does, if they ganged up on him together. I know he sees that how his daughter treats him, but he fears conflict so he buries his head and hides from it. If I said anything I don’t think he would process what I say, but coming from his best friends he might process it. His oldest daughter has a large influence on him, positive once in a while, but more on the negative side in my opinion. She is living at home until December 2018. This is something I think we will be dealing with for a while.

His daughter is 23. She moved back home when the mother moved about & away, to help get the kids to & from school and maintain a “normalcy in the house” Which is code for she bosses her siblings around to do chores and does none herself.

Hi, I’m okay this evening, how are you?. I exercised and am settling in with a book.

He has a legal aged daughter and two minors. It is more complicated than I thought as well. I guess I could had sat down with her initially and had a chat about me not trying to replace their mom, wanting to be friends, and how can we work together, etc but we never did that.

It’s a pickle.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 8 months ago by bricklady.

I pray everyday that I will have nights where I am with them and look back at what we are going through and think about how far we have come.