He is a constant worrier. He and his family claim he always has been. He wants to make sure the people in his life are happy and taken care of. Of the times he has told me that he was worried about me it was in the context of “Am I sure I can handle an instant family? Kids, and dogs and a life I had never had before?” I had thought and prayed about it for several months and decided yes, I can handle it. Not only can i Handle it, but that I love his family and I long to live there, to be part of it, every day for the rest of my life.

When he told me recently that he will worry about me if we are together or not he didn’t give any specifics.

I am a hot mess. I can’t sleep or eat and feel like a zombie.

Thank you. You have great questions!

1. Mainly the kids, if they failed tests at school, fights with each other or their friends and for the most part, them missing their absentee mother. She has infrequent communication with them which upsets them greatly.

2. Disagreements were usually about little things, figuring out whether we were going to do chores one day and errands the next, what to have for dinner, if the kids should have friends over or study for upcoming tests. Never about money or our jobs.

3. He is on high blood pressure medicine. I said ‘Happy weight” because we tend to go out to eat and had been cutting back on that the past few months. His doctor didn’t explain that the increase of medicene was due to weight gain.

4. Some of my stresses were driving two hours to his place every week as it was easier for me to go to him and him to get the kids, come get me, and go back to his house. Cooping kids up in a car for four hours after being in school all day isn’t fair. Sometimes when I got to their house on Friday, they would have eaten dinner without me and I had to fend for myself. I would be tired after driving, and grumpy or hangry but after eating and getting out the car for about 20 minutes I de-stressed.

5. It was a lot to think about. Did I want to take on the responsibility of kids that weren’t mine? I felt it was important in the months before meeting his kids & once I did, that I took the time to think about the future with him and the children. As I got to know them I fell in love with them. I love them as if I gave birth to them. I love them and him completely. When I think about the future, it is growing old by his side, going on adventures. Watching the kids grow up. We talked several time about the future. On how we can take things slowly, getting the family dynamic rooted.

I am referring to him and his friends. He and I met through a handful of mutual friends last year. I have been friends with them for about 7 years and he over 10, and us never meeting each other. They are his best friends and my very close friends. We have always checked in every few weeks to see how things and and plan a lunch or dinner meet up. They see him additionally throughout the week because they live in the same city as him and have dinner at least once a week with everyone. He knows that I talk to them about everything under the sun including him as I know he does to them about me. It is always in a respectful manner. Whether it was getting input on a Christmas gift idea, to planning a surprise mid week lunch trip or to let them know that the kids have been down and we had been struggling with that, and how he has retreated and is acting now.

His friends has been trying repeatedly to meet with him in person to see how his is. To find out how he is going to tell the kids that he has broken up with me. To find out why he feels that he needs to break things off so that he can work on himself, and why is he pushing them away as well. He keeps avoiding them and saying that he needs to be by himself to work on this.

In our minds we took things slow, probably because we live two hours apart and when we first met we weren’t able to see each other as much as couples that live in the same city. Some weekends he had the kids, some weekends they were with their older sister, had weekend campouts at school or whatever and we had time together. We spent a lot of time talking and learning about each other before he introduced me to the kids. He initially wanted me to move in during Christmas of 2016 but I postponed it wanting more time and he had no problem with that. It seemed quick to me and when we discussed he came to that understanding as well. In January he said he didn’t think that he would be ready for me to move in over the summer and I was happy to agree to postpone it. We have all our lives to take that next step. Why rush it until we both felt ready.

Couples counseling, probably me stretching and looking for anything that could make this work. Maybe we could figure out together with someone what makes him worry in a relationship, what is a trigger for him to cause anxiety.

He has anxiety. I have had it as well for years and it has definitely popped its head and is in control of me right now. I am seeing my therapist and working with her on getting a handle on it. He has no idea how to deal with it and he “forgets” to ask his therapist about it.

It very well could be that it is too soon and he is afraid. It is one thing to say your marriage was dead for years but only be divorced for a few months then begin dating. Eventually you have to deal with the death of the marriage and being scared to go into another relationship is understandable. But to tell me you don’t want to have an contact with me, even to be friends on social media is just hard for me to wrap my head around.

I… I put a lot into this relationship. Going there weekly, getting up at 6am to drive two hours to go work for 8. Kids, homework, dinners, learning 3 new people and their routine, them learning about me and mine. Getting to know each others extended family and friends. And now, this.

We are meeting on Saturday, ” I wanted to talk to you about what I’ve been thinking and everything, in person and figure out where to go from here.” is what he said. Part of me wonders if I should have hope at this point. I need to get my head and heart stable. I don’t mind working but he needs to be transparent with me and open.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. I want to have hope. I am scared that he is done and plans to be out of my life forever. to have made plans for the stuff in the future just 10 days ago and now here we are is crazy.

I’ll keep you posted.

I am trying really hard to be strong. I miss them and this is so damn hard.

Hello again!

I met with a new therapist for me Friday morning what a world of difference! I felt stronger and had questions for when I met my guy yesterday.

He and I talked for several hours yesterday about where he is in his head. He’s lost. He is finally processing that his exwife selfishly abandoned him and his kids. He’s upping his own therapist appintments. He is not cutting me out of his life. We are remaining friends, best friends first and foremost. And we are also slowing things way down. I’m not going to go out there as often nor will stay as long.

We talked about what he can say to his kids, “daddy is taking some time right now to think about everything that has happened this past year. I am still friends with bricklady, as you are. You can call, email, text her at anytime. And we will see her soon”

It was super freaking hard unpacking all my stuff last night. He gave it all back to me and said probably 20+ times that it was so I could have my things while he takes this time to work on himself. That he wants/hopes it will be all back over at his house.

So I have a lot more hope than I did earlier this week. It’s going to be hard changing the routine of not being with that family for a while. I need to work on ways to be supportive and not smothering. He was so surprised that I was like, “you need time, no problem. Take it. I support this 1000%. I want you to work through this and be happier. There is no time table on how long this will take.”