Hello,

I would like advice on how to manage my emotions when I am participating in competitive situations. My colleagues at work are really getting into doing social things outside of work, which is great and I like spending time with them, but they are all very competitive people and enjoy doing activities that revolve around team or individual competition in some way, such as trivia nights, sports games, or “desk decoration” for the holidays.

I have always been someone who dislikes competing for a prize or title, even way back from my childhood, and I am simply one of those people who never wins. I have come runner up a couple of times in life but never won anything, and whenever I compete and (inevitably) lose, this overwhelming sense of inadequacy and failure overcomes me (very deep seated from my upbringing) and I feel upset and angry and find it very difficult to disguise it from others, its very evident I have not enjoyed myself. Then I feel stupid and upset because everyone else just takes it all as a bit of fun and not seriously, but it really affects me in a way I feel I can’t rationalise or control in the moment. It just brings up all these negative feelings in me, especially when I feel I may actually have a shot at winning, that makes the final blow all the worse and really brings me down.

I don’t know how to control this and I want to be able to have fun and not let competition get to me in this way because I know the team wants to keep doing “fun” events like this more often in the future, and while I could just avoid going out or participating where there is competition involved, I feel then I would miss out on a lot of fun and end up isolating myself. Does anyone have any strategies for how I could perhaps get a hold of my emotions and fears in this situation?

Thanks everyone.