What are you trying to accomplish? To me, it doesn’t sound like you have moved on from the events of the past. This sounds like you want her to feel your pain. I can appreciate you feeling you need to be honest, but sometimes you have to go back to these 3 questions. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

If writing these words help you move on, great. Write them out and burn them. But I feel that giving your fiance this letter will revisit and prolong the pain you seem to still be feeling. I wouldn’t personally read past the first paragraph. Who wants to have their past mistakes thrown in their face?

I worry I’m being a bit harsh here but ask yourself what this will give you?

CM,

Wow, truly wonderful. You really open up, pour out your feelings, all the pain and hurt. Great work! Now that its out, consider getting closure by burning the letter. Print it out, crumple it up into a fireproof bowl, cover it in oil, and offer it up to the universe for healing “May the words be carried to the heart of the cosmic mother, and may all of us connected to these feelings find freedom, healing”.

Its normal to have old hurts come up, especially as we become more open, vulnerable to our partner. But don’t poop in her face, ya know? She doesn’t need to read that, be dragged through the muck of your old cankered pains for you to be healed. Healing comes as you let go, realize you both were idiots back then, and have grown a lot since. It makes sense to want to get it out, be free, but her heart is tender, friend.

As you burn the hurt, give it back, forgive whatever caused the old mud, its OK to keep the good things you learned. “I like this and this, don’t like that and that.” So, try to grow what you do like, erode what you don’t. If you find yourself dwelling again, write it all down again, print it out, burn it again. Consider: that’s a really pretty wedding dress she’s wearing, no need for mud to be thrown on it, just because she acted poorly years ago.

With warmth,
Matt

That’s great! Also, consider deleting that letter from your computer, and empty the recycle bin. 🙂 That’s a real heart-wounder were she to accidentally come across it, so clean your trail. Plus, rereading it yourself can re-inspire old wounds, like scratching at a scab. Be done with it. 🙂

Wow…this was so powerful and brought tears to my eyes. I could feel your pain illustrated in this letter. I’m so sorry you felt so much hurt, devastation and resentment for so long,but now that you have written it all out, just store it away. This letter of closure is for you not her. No one ever deserves to feel like they hate their life so much they would rather commit suicide.I can see this older man truly affected BOTH of your self worthiness. You have to continue to remind yourself you did not choose what happened to you, and it was a dark place but it’s all over now. Her actions hurt you, but she was hurt in the process too. All of that pain is over. Your life is not that way anymore. Let yourself be happy, let her love you the way you need, let her heal your broken heart, let her know how much you missed her and how you thought of her every day and that she is your soulmate. You are going to marry your soul mate and allow yourself to enjoy what you have wanted and deserved for so long. Those prime years were not wasted,it was invested time where you learned about yourself, as did she. Let the two of you be happy and by reminding her of everything she did wrong will only keep YOU in that depression. Store those memories away and continue to replace them with loving thoughts. ALLOW those holes in you to be filled with happiness. Sometimes when you are sad for so long you forget how to be genuinely happy again. You love this woman and for that reason a lone let the past be the past, this letter is not for her. You will be very happy from now on.