Jessica, 17, a college student and her brother, 10 years old, are living in an apartment in NY with a severely physically and verbally abusive mother and a weak submissive father who is intimidated by his wife. He is of no help to his two children. Jessica has reached out to counselors in her college but found no help there yet. Jessica’s accounts here on the website have been very consistent and very troubling: her mother’s abuse of her and of her younger brother is damaging both, especially the younger, perhaps less resourceful brother who is the subject of his mother emotional abuse.

I was hoping for a person reading this, maybe a social worker, someone with experience in a case like this: where to go? What to do? Something someone may know that I do not and that Jessica, as resourceful and intelligent as she is (and she is!) does not know.

Jessica’s latest post from 10/17/2015 is consistent with previous ones and with all her comments on this website. It is straightforward and very honest and clear, long and contains strong language. Not for the weak of heart to read (and unbelievable difficult to live with!). Here it is:

“Whenever I hear these statements, I feel anger boiling inside me. “Your parents had a tough time.” “You should be more understanding.” “They sacrificed for you.” “Give your mom/dad a second chance, for they didn’t know any better.”. All of these statements, all of them, are excuses. Terrible, terrible excuses. I understand that human beings are imperfect beings. It is impossible to go through life without making mistakes. Some are small, such as forgetting your friends birthday or arriving to work late. Others lead to heavy consequences, such as spreading rumors to get back at someone or putting down someone you love out of jealousy. And then there are actions that go beyond what you would consider to be a mistake. Abuse. More specifically, child abuse. It’s a topic that many people usually avoid speaking of, since it is often traumatizing or hard for others to comprehend and understand. I myself feel a wave of depression come over me, along with some suicidal thoughts every now and then. This is due to my own experience with child abuse. My mom, although still I love her, started abusing me at the age of five. I was her punching bag, taking every name said from her mouth with brutal force. I was the bitch, asshole, mother fucker, idiot, stupid, retard, dumbass, and other words that I can’t seem to remember. This happened nearly every day. If I dropped something, “What the fuck is wrong with you bitch!”. If I came home with a failed test “You see, all you want to do is play video games and get fat. Your fucking ass needs to get beat by those kids. Watch me put you in special Ed, and see how those kids will beat you.”. It seems ironic looking back on her mentioning of special Ed, since she herself was a teacher. Any who, my mother didn’t hold back on verbally abusing me in public. If I made one tiny mistake, she would yell and scream while we were walking. My head fell down, as tears rolled down my cheeks and my struggle for breath kept getting worse. She would tell me to stop crying, and curse at me more. People stared, and I couldn’t do anything. Standing up to her would lead her rage to skyrocket, and beat me into a pulp. What confused me, though, was that she would tell my she loves me. She told me that since she cleans the house, irons my clothes,and give me the materials for school, saying that I should feel fortunate compared to other children. She told me that if I told anyone about how she treated me, she would beat me badly. And so I kept my mouth shut, and suffered in silence. My father tried to help me, but he is emotionally weak, receiving daily verbal abuse from my mom. I love my father, and we are still close to this day. He tries, and although he could do better, I know he’s a good father and man. My mom shut me off from independence, offering to do everything for me. To this day, I feel afraid going shopping and to the grocery store, since my I never had much experience going to these places. She also fed me a lot of junk food. Whenever a doctor would tell her to feed me better food, she’d say yes and would complain to me about how I don’t want to change. I was only little. She’d call me a fat ass pig, and would blame me for my weight gain. She also did the same with video games. She’d tell me to study, and would give me long hours for playing video games. If I failed a test, I would here “All you want to do is play games and fail your tests, you dumbass bitch.”. I struggled with school. I’m more studious now and receive high 90’s, but this wasn’t the case when I was younger. My parents also argued constantly. I was in the middle of everything. My mom threatened divorce, and I was scared because I didn’t want my dad to leave. I wanted him to stay because he could protect me. My dad cheated, which led to physical fights that I was always present for. They are still together, but its more of a friendship, a vey dysfunctional one. As I got older, she started to use a belt buckle. I’m aware that this is considered discipline in some countries, but I see it abuse. Physical abuse. She beat me whenever I failed an exam. I never committed a crime, and was and still is a good child. But she beat me, hard. I screamed. I wanted the burning pain in my back to stop, but she kept on going, telling me to say why I failed. If I didn’t say anything, the beating got worse. Eventually, she stopped using the belt. But the damage was done. I started to become depressed and suicidal. I wanted to jump out my window and go to heaven. Bullying at school became for frequent. I was always bullied, but my suicidal thoughts and depression made it worse.One incident that spoke me the most occurred this summer, 4 days after my high school graduation. I forgot what I did, but it was small. My mom got upset, and stated it beat me with her hands. I tried it get the phone to call 911, but she scratched it out my hand and took all the other phones so I couldn’t call for help. She blocked the door so couldn’t leave. She then finished me off by beating me with a toy bat. Afterwards, she left to take my little brother to school. I wanted to commit suicide right there. Afterwards, she told my neighbor about the incident and laughed. “Girl, she tried to call the cops and I said ‘what the hell is she trying to do?’ So I beat her ass. She deserved it. My ass ain’t going to jail. Hahahahaha!”. I was right there, and I felt like shit. I’m 17 now and is still living with her. I can’t run to my other family members, since they are just as dysfunctional. My grand father, although nice to me and my little brother, was always abusive to my grandmother. They had a recent fight where he punched her eye. My aunt and cousins abused one another growing up. My cousin often spit on me and hurt my feelings. He twisted my aunts arm, and she would beat him. To this day, they still argue. My uncle also gets into argument from time to time. They all laugh about their problems and joke, saying how it’s the way things are. They hide behind denial, which only makes the problem bigger. They are nice to my brother and I, but can be abusive to each other. My little brother is experiencing my moms same treatment. We are, and have always been close. We never hurt each other, and despite our arguing some times, we get along well. He wishes that I want commuting to college. He tells me to stay home to protect him from my mom.More things happened, but it would be far to much to write. My mom believes that what she did wasn’t abuse, and blames me and stress. My mom went through a lot, but don’t we all have problems? My mom even laughs about her behavior and the abuse, saying how I just have to deal with gear anger. I know my mom, enough to know that she will never change her ways. She’ll smile and think that I’m sensitive for dwelling on the past. But I know what I went through, and it hurts. My mom doesn’t have a job now, and is dealing with an ongoing court case. I’ll sympathize for her, but that’s as far as I’ll go. I’d also like to add that I’m a black girl, and my mom is from the Caribbean. Just because someone receives the title of “mom” or “dad” or “family member”, that doesn’t mean that they are a god. It shouldn’t have to be “Well, she’s my mom, and therefore I have to let go of everything she put me through because she’s my mom.”. Well I call bullshit. Yes, they are your parents, but that doesn’t excuse their abusive behavior. I recommend forgiving your parents for you. It will rid you of the poisonous anger and you’ll feel free. Also, you don’t have to bring your abusive parents back into your life if you don’t want to. Your have at choice. If your currently happy in your life, then leave them be. If people pressure you into giving them a second chance, ignore them. You know what you went through. If you want to fix the relationship, then you can try to confront them. If all goes well, that’s great, if not, that’s great too. They chose to ideal with their problems by abuse, and that’s horrible. Get therapy or counseling. It helps a great deal.I plan on forgiving my mom, but for myself. But I’ll close the door and live my life. I’m in college, and I’m going to get my PHD in psychology to help other suffering children/teens. I also plan on making my own anime and writing my own books. People make silly excuses, but enough is enough. There is NO excuse for child abuse, EVER!”