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Help Re-spark the flame, bc I do love him….

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  • June 4, 2017 at 2:57 pm #151868
    Lin
    Participant

    Hi. I need help please.

    My Boyfriend and I have been together for four years. He is an amazing person and I love him so much. He is everything I could ever want and more. He is loving, very kind, attractive, funny, smart, sincere, athletic, humble, loyal, and my best friend. He doesn’t use drugs (very important to me), he doesn’t flirt around like many others that are in committed relationships. If others start flirting with him, he cuts them off right away.  His guy time consists of gaming, paintball, football or other sports. He’s an all around great guy!

    My problem is that about 5/6 months ago, I’ve started to lose that girlfriend feeling. Now, I still completely love him, but it’s feeling like it’s more platonic on my end, and I want to fix it, bc I know what I have, and he’s everything. He is completely in love with me. I feel like a liar. I haven’t let on my change of feelings, bc I really want this to work. I don’t want to lose him or give this up.  I am not interested in anyone else.

    About 8 months ago, I was injured(sports), and have recently had a  knee surgery and am in recovery right now. This was the hardest thing, bc I have played sports since I was a child. He plays sports too, so we connect well there. I should be able to start training in 3 more months, and am looking forward to it so much. I know I’ll be starting over, at the bottom bc by the time I can train, I’ll have been out for almost a year. He has been completely supportive and is genuinely happy for my slow but sure progress. His supports means the world to me.

    Because of the injury, I was told that I went through a depression of sort, but I don’t know. It’s probably true. I was told I lost who I was bc my world has always held physical activities as a main, then all of a sudden it was gone.

    I don’t know if that had/has anything to do with how I’m feeling. I’m at a complete loss. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. He’s my best friend, my lover, my soulmate.

    How am I able to re-light that spark, get that vibe going again? I want to, so very badly, bc I know what I have with him is very special and I truly do love him. Please help, I’m such a lost gal right now.

    June 5, 2017 at 9:51 am #151996
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lin:

    I think I know how NOT to “get that vibe going again”-

    Answer: “to want to, so very badly”- to desperately want to get a feeling that is not there is the way to not get it.

    If I was you, I would let go, best I can, of the wanting and expecting that particular feeling, that vibe or spark. If you do like and love your boyfriend; if you appreciate him as much as you do, and if you are not physically appalled by him, can you not keep going without that vibe?

    Maybe all women lost that vibe for the man they love at one point or another. Maybe all men lose it for their women, at one point or another. I can’t imagine A Vibe unchanged eternally, lifetime.

    I hope your knee heals well. Post again with your thoughts and feelings.

    anita

    June 6, 2017 at 1:10 pm #152182
    Eliana
    Participant

    Dear Lin,

    No matter how awesome a man is, how successful, good looking, compatible, etc, unfortunately, people can drift apart. Relationships are difficult and complicated. You said you were with him a long time, I am wondering, was there ever any discussion of a future with each other..such as marriage, engagement, children, etc? Maybe if there is no discussion, maybe hope was lost of a future together and things just fizzled out.

    There might still be hope. Talk to him. Go on a vacation where you have never been before away from routine and try to get the spark back. Have date nights. Light candles. Compliment him. Have a bubble bath with him. Take him on a long romantic drive at night. Look at the stars. Go to a drive-in..or a bed and breakfast. Just something you two have never done before to rekindle things. Let us know how things go.

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