So he acknowledged that he’s provoking you which means that he’s trying to getting a rise out of you, testing your boundaries, seeing how far he can go before you react. To me, that sounds psychotic. Why would anyone in their right mind do that? What purpose does it serve? What power game is he playing?

Whether or not your overly sensitive is not the issue here, the motivation behind his action is. It sounds like he’s testing your loyalty. Once again, he knows what he’s doing and very conscious of the fact that he’s provoking you. And do you know who plays these kind of games? Cult leaders! They bring people close to them and constantly berate and abuse them to see if they’ll stay. The longer the stay and put up with the abuse, the more power and control they have over them.

They’ll belittle them with phrases, “You need to be stronger!,” “Stop being so sensitive!” and of course the person believes the cult leader because they look up him as the stronger power in the relationship.

It sounds like you’re dealing with a very sick individual who is using you to feed his own ego. He knows that you’re too afraid to leave. You’re too insecure and really desperate to make things work and with that knowledge, he’s taking advantage of you.

Any person who plays power games in a relationship and sets up tests for others to see if they pass or fail is certifiably insane in my opinion.

Helen,

In my view, you are being appropriately sensitive. He strikes at you psychologically, you bruise, and he convinces you that the problem is yours. Then when you approach him, he basically says “this is me, you going to dump me?” and you say no, so he doesn’t have to account for his behavior because he throws it back on you.

I don’t agree to John’s assessment of him being psychotic, but he does sound abusive. Consider, if he does not wish to change, is his behavior something that would be satisfying to you in the long run?

Were I in your shoes I would walk away, or run. Abusers enjoy the power, and once you adapt to one form of abuse, he is likely to escalate. I’m don’t understand Portuguese culture well, but I do understand intimacy. Consider jokes are only funny if both people are laughing. Otherwise it is something else.

I actually have a very sarcastic humor as well. I give little Zen pokes to my partner and she loves them. If I go to far, she says “ouch” in one way or another, and at that time the humor drops and authentic love and compassion arise. Otherwise the intimacy erodes. If he doesn’t do that, he either does not see it or does not respect you. Either way its trouble for both you and your tender heart.

With warmth,
Matt