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Help me change my ways.

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  • February 14, 2014 at 2:14 am #50985
    Amy
    Participant

    The one thing I crave and am scared of are relationships. I feel like I dont know how to love myself without the validation of being in a relationship with someone. I constantly get in situations where it is either “Friends with Benefits” and the guy becomes attached but doesnt want to commit or a new love interest with contact me and contact me heaps and say the most wonderful things, and sleep with me and be so beautiful yet then out of the blue not want to talk to me or see me anymore and tell you they are in love with someone else and you get completely blind sided.

    I honestly dont know how to love myself, I have always thought of myself as this person that has so much love to give and thinks the best in everyone. Yet people dont want to be with me. I know I wouldnt want to be with me either.

    If I do start getting involved with someone I find it hard to trust them and usually start fights to see if they are really loyal to me. I also dont know if something is bad for me and if repeat patterns happen with a new love interest from an old love interest. I dont see it as a RED FLAG to get out.

    If what you have read if familiar to you and you have been in my situation how did you get out of it? I am 26 and have only had 1 relationship that I was in because I had never been in a relationship at 22 and thought I should give it a go, This person didnt love me at all and the reason for the breakup was that he didnt think he could ever love me.

    Please help me.

    February 14, 2014 at 3:22 am #50987
    Anyone
    Participant

    Hi Amy,

    My traits – low self-confidence, hence low self-esteem, hence low self-respect, I would believe and trust anyone very easily, vulnerable, and would fall for the person easily. Then I would love myself, seeing that the other person loves me; else I won’t value my own self enough.This was second half of my relationship life.

    First part of my relationship life – My feelings were somewhat similar to yours; just that with me; I used to be completely in love with myself > then a guy would fall in love > I would take all the positives from him > forget about myself, leave aside loving me (I started loving the other person more than anything in this world, that’s where I went blind) And here we go, I lost myself completely and my personal life started falling apart without me being able to realize it. So, lesson was ‘No one should take a priority on your own-self; for your own good’.

    When you realize the problem, in your case (you’re not able to love yourself); that’s the base of the solution. I think you’re with low self-esteem. I followed some videos to boost my self-esteem, to have self-respect and it’s helping me slowly to regain myself. Try it out. May be that’s your pain point too.

    Moreover, end of one relationship is not the end of the world. Life goes on. We got to hold our head high and face the challenges of ife. Life is not easy after all. Accept it or escape it!

    I’m 28; had a divorce (6 yrs of relation) and a breakup (2 yrs relation). It would have been better to have given some time out of all these years to my own betterment. Better late than never!

    Wake up, pull up your socks and get going!

    You rock Amy! You’re a wonderful person. Once I read somewhere ‘Figure out what you want and know how to ask for it’.

    Hope it helps!
    Please excuse me if I was tough with my words..

    Stay blessed!

    February 14, 2014 at 11:09 am #51007
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Amy and Anyone,
    One exercise that was taught to me was to look at myself in the mirror everyday and say “I love you” and just hold my own gaze for a minute or so doing that.

    Another is a variation of the gratitude journal except having gratitudes about yourself. What do you like about yourself? What are you grateful for for being you?

    The go-to meditation is the Loving Kindness Meditation where you start off with yourself (see YouTube or Google it).

    Having any of those as a daily practice helps reprogram our neuro pathways http://www.self-esteem-experts.com/how-the-brain-works.html.

    Now give yourselves a hug!

    Mark

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