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Help – how do I get off the merry-go-round?

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  • September 7, 2016 at 7:58 am #114468
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kodi208:

    As an anxious person myself, this is my input: quit the job if you and your husband can handle finances without your job, that is, handle taking care of the minimum required to live well (I am not materialistic so “living well” for me does not include fancy vacations and second property and so forth).

    There are two ways to reduce anxiety and increase well being: I call them the Macro and the Micro. The Micro are all the things you tried: meditation, yoga etc.: doing what you can to calm that space in between one’s ears.

    The Macro is arranging your life circumstances so that the anxiety is not triggered. Because you feel inadequate in your job and have felt it for so long, consistently (regardless of all the Micro work)- then re-arrange your life so it is congruent with who you are. Either do a job where you feel adequate, and not excessively bored, or remove yourself completely from employment, be at home with your child.

    Attack the problem Micro AND Macro is my advice.

    anita

    September 7, 2016 at 8:47 am #114482
    Kodi
    Participant

    Thank you for your advice anita. Micro and Macro makes a lot of sense. We don’t spend much money on material items or vacations; we live well within our means. However, my husband doesn’t make a lot of money and I fear that if I didn’t work it would add stress rather than taking it away. I also worry that quitting working would be giving up and letting the anxiety win. There are so many people out there working multiple jobs just to make ends meet –I can’t justify staying home just because I happen to have anxiety. As far as doing something other than graphic design, I keep hoping I’ll have an epiphany or some other opportunity will fall into my lap because I don’t have a clue what I could do that would be less anxiety producing. But I don’t think expecting an epiphany is realistic.

    September 7, 2016 at 9:07 am #114488
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kodi208:

    Of course, if there was an easy solution: one with only positive consequences and no negative consequences, then you wouldn’t be struggling and the problem would have been solved. Whatever choice you make will have some negative consequences. The thing to do, I believe, is examine and evaluate the positives and negatives and then decide.

    One negative consequence you fear is the added stress on your husband: things to examine and evaluate are: how does he deal with stress, so far? Did he express distress over the idea that you don’t work? Did you discuss this?

    Another negative consequence you mentioned is letting the anxiety win. Well, the anxiety is not a person or entity, so it can’t win. How do you win? Not by pretending the anxiety is not there but by fully accepting it is, for as long as it is. Not judging yourself negatively for being anxious but being very gentle and patient with yourself. The anxiety is not something you chose, so you are not guilty for experiencing it.

    And I agree that epiphany may not be realistic when you are anxious- it is when you are calm that the fog clears.

    If you’d like, we can keep communicating about your situation.

    anita

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