Home→Forums→Relationships→HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out!
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March 19, 2018 at 12:25 pm #198157
AnonymousGuestDear Jenny Lynn:
Some of your humor and lol is back but the fact is that there is war going on. Exciting somewhat, correct? Drama going on, what is the next move, what will he do next… but it is war. He is trying to make you suffer. Like your friend told you: “he’s trying to get to you… He wants you sad and s*&^&”-
He wants you sad. How sad that he wants you sad. I wish he wanted you happy. Wouldn’t that be nice, if he wanted you happy.
anita
March 19, 2018 at 1:24 pm #198183
Jenny LynnParticipantAll of this has been drama so not really no…just that without the rose colored glasses some of the things he does are truly ridiculous comedy to me.
To the person who doesn’t love him these things are obvious. But I am usually to busy reacting to the button he tries to press then actually looking at all the trouble he is going thru just trying to make me feel some kind of way….so yes. Yes! that is a insightful way to look at it.
What if he put just as much effort in these moments into wanting to see me happy. I wish he wanted me happy too. As a women we all know the very unoriginal yet go to ways any man can make it clear that 1. he is sorry 2. you are missed and valued and 3. you arent going anywhere without him…lol
..sadly I think he is experiencing it the way you described above. Maybe thats the only way he can cope…I mean think about it..if he cant focus on me and what I am doing over these days that bother him…He would actually have to think about what he did to contribute to us being in this situation not just looking for more ammunition to validate the feelings hes is having.
Thing is…I already know mutually what went on here. So I can go directly to “I am sad about the present!”. He is too busy trying to validate his want to truthfully “NOT CARE”
What will be a shame is that when he blinks and realizes he spent so much time doing this, trying to hold on to his pride, trying to make some point.. that he actually didn’t realize how important I am to him and by then I’ll be over it because of how he is acting.
Thing about me is..its really really hard lol to not like me during a break up. I’m too nice.. I mean I am a nice person overall but really; since we have already had one conflict and now our relationship is over why would I continue to be in your way. So EVERYTHING I do generally is ultra polite, I just stay out of the way of anything to provoke more conflict (which would fuel him and his rationale at this time) I just say screw it. If he says something to me and I feel he has a attitude, your gf would have a come back. Not your gf….is saying ok and going back in the room because I AM NOT about to argue with him.
Yet also I have to acknowledge that he truthfully could just really not care. Crazy and hard to believe but maybe he had enough too..who knows?
March 19, 2018 at 1:44 pm #198199AnonymousGuestDear Jenny Lynn:
Will be away from the computer for fifteen hours or less. Will read and reply when I am back.
Be good to you, and stay safe.
anita
March 20, 2018 at 4:37 am #198281AnonymousGuestDear jenny Lynn:
Imagining myself being you: I am done with John.
In the context of your thread, I tried to understand him, to accommodate him, to work with him for his benefit and the benefit of the relationship. I sincerely tried for a long time.
This morning I am ceremonially waving the white flag of surrender.
I don’t like John, don’t like his MO. Nope. Don’t like it, not one bit.
anita
March 20, 2018 at 5:35 am #198293Jenny LynnParticipantGlen not John.
John was the ex that I originally posted about lol
But I understand. I am more and more over it as the days go by. I am just looking optimistically into the days coming and preparing for my vacation.
I am in a back and forth decision about starting a antidepressant. I am reluctant and always have been but before I felt as though it wasn’t THAT bad. However now I know I am deep in this depressive state. But to me I feel like once my environment does a 1-80 I think my stressful, anxiety filled way of existing will dissipate.
March 20, 2018 at 5:52 am #198297AnonymousGuestDear Jenny Lynn:
In a thread before yours this morning I was typing about a John, the name used there. In the post above I wasn’t sure it was John, but knew you will correct me. Yes, I am done with Glenn. John is not relevant anymore, is he.
If anti depressants work it takes time before they work, that ‘s what the doctors say, a few weeks at the least, and you may be moving out in less than two weeks…
Still not better to stay with your mother (and have a longer commute)?
anita
March 20, 2018 at 6:08 am #198305Jenny LynnParticipantJohn still pops in my head sometimes. But I try to talk myself out of it…Leo too. SMH
But I AM moving out in 10 days I guess my thinking was the mood I am in is so drastically influenced by my environment…why would I start medicine before I see if a change in scenery provides me with the relief I need.
& No its not worth it. I need to not have a job when I am there otherwise I wont be able to cope with the discomfort.
March 20, 2018 at 6:48 am #198311AnonymousGuestDear Jenny Lynn:
I understand. Moving out in ten days: did you and Glenn give the manager/owner a notice, the lease expiring, what is the situation with that? Is you moving out in ten days a sure thing or …?
anita
March 20, 2018 at 6:56 am #198313Jenny LynnParticipantYeah the lady invited that opportunity because we would break up the month so I guess just for convenience she didn’t care.
I am going to tell him I am leaving the 31st today and if he is going to stay till 14th he needs to let me know.
March 20, 2018 at 7:04 am #198317AnonymousGuestDear Jenny Lynn:
You will tell him today, at night time I am thinking, because he stays away all day, right? Comes back at night and sleeps on the couch? Or text him- or call him- but he is not likely to pick up the phone or text you back. I wonder how this is going to go. Will you keep your cool, I hope you let me know.
I doubt that he will tell you anything about his plans, regarding he 14th. I think he will try to make your life as difficult as he can. Unfortunately. Would like to be surprised in this regard.
anita
March 20, 2018 at 7:42 am #198325Jenny LynnParticipantYeah probably around the evening hours. He would answer if I called or text I just don’t want my tone to be misinterpreted. Ironic to this conversation the lady just emailed and asked what we decided as far as dates so that’ll be my buffer.
I am cool though; I will be cool too.
If he doesn’t give me any feedback I will just have to like I said tell him MY plans and if I’m not getting a vibe from the conversation like he isn’t reciprocating then I will just leave it be and tell him that I wont be here for the last 2 weeks of the lease if he decides to stay.
All the furniture is mine except the bed FRAME so yeah.
Thats why him calling himself “getting his stuff together” Sunday annoyed the crap out of me because you dont see me getting stuff together like you cant use it. Everything in here to actually live life, is mine. The desk, the table, the couch you sleep on, the towels you use. COME ON! He needs to stop with the dramatics.
But to another point if he doesn’t leave at the end of the month then what he did Sunday is even more stupid because your really going to leave all this crap out like this for 3 weeks…the level of childishness is astonishing truly.
I would like to think optimistically that he will come in I will say “hey the leasing lady email about the day we are leaving. I want to leave on the 31st so what is your thoughts?”
Hopefully he says “yeah the end of the month is cool”
And I can release a *sigh* of relief because; that’s it really…
March 20, 2018 at 7:52 am #198327AnonymousGuestDear Jenny Lynn:
He removed the curtains because he knows you like it dark. This leads me to not be optimistic and to not expect him to respond with “yeah the end of the month is cool”, or if he does say that, I am thinking, he may… take the shower curtains off… no, no he wouldn’t do that, he likes to shower several times a day, you wrote. So he needs the curtains there.
It is a good idea that you list several options regarding his reaction and plan how you will be responding to each, so that you are not surprised and that you do act cool, as you plan to act. List possibilities you didn’t think about and plan your reaction to those…?
anita
March 20, 2018 at 8:11 am #198337Jenny LynnParticipantAlternate reactions:
-He tells me he is staying till the 14th. I would say well I don’t have the money to pay the rent again. I would like to hold on to the money I have.
-If that didn’t shift him my way. Then I will tell him that I am still going to leave regardless of when he decides to leave and I will come move my stuff on the 14th. But I won’t pay rent if I am not here. As well as I will need the money for the Electric if he stayed there.
-If he says probably something along the lines of where are you going? I will say my moms and leave it at that.
-If he genuinely tells me he NEEDS those 2 weeks I will try and work something out in my head like taking my neccessities and still leaving. Then come back 2 weeks later and move my furniture or something.
I know I dont owe him anything its crazy that my mind even feels.. I guess ..bad.. to be like I’m going to take the bed/couch/ whatever right out from under you regardless of your situation. I am unfortunately too nice to do that.
The most– if the conversation goes left and he tries to be petty I really have to lay down the law LIKEE I will pay this $180 of rent for 14 days. I AM LEAVING. TAKING ALL MY SHIT. CUTTING OFF THE ELECTRIC. and KISS MY BEHIND.
Because we are both on the lease I am obligated to pay it if he decided to stay for the 14 days outside of that I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t even have to tell him i am leaving the 31st I could just turn in the half of my rent and go on about my business.
So he really doesn’t have to much room to try and bully me.
Because if I leave the 31st there really isnt too much living that could go on in there without my stuff sooo
March 20, 2018 at 8:13 am #198339Jenny LynnParticipantHe came to me days ago and ask “So you arent going to do anything that would keep me from getting my deposit back”
I looked at him crazy like “uhmm? no. why you ask that”
he said “just asking”
March 20, 2018 at 8:16 am #198341AnonymousGuestDear jenny Lynn:
What if you say nothing to him, then on the 31st move out with all your stuff and leave behind a check for the April 1-April 14 rent for him. You can do all the moving when he is not home, on the 30 or the 31.
I like this idea much better. What do you think?
anita
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