Sorry I left work early yesterday and prefer to type on desktop.  But yeah I need to get with her and talk to about the arraignments.

I’ll probably just take a wondering vacation then decide.

Everything is fine. I’m going to have my friend over today that will be a good distraction.

Hey Anita. My weekend was quite stressful I just tried to live and not focus on whats going on around me.

He was being kind of petty this weekend. My best friend came down and we had a slumber party. She helped me kind of not fall into his drama. He still upset me yesterday because sometimes he is just so extra.

I can’t really tell yet if he doesn’t care or he is just trying very hard to exude it. But still no apology in the air…

I cant really worry about if he cares anymore though. That’s what I have told myself over the past few days. I just need to live…live genuinely but as if he isn’t even there.

I’m still getting my head wrapped around not letting him affect my decisions. Like I said above, living genuinely and do what I want but not things that have anything to do with him if it makes sense. Just trying not to care what he would think about what I am doing. Because facts are I have no idea what he has been doing the past 11 days.

But if he is so dead set on acting as if none of this phases him…I don’t know if I can match that. But I can exude that nothing your taking from me (figuratively or literally) can’t be replaced. Rice cooker or anything else lol <–there one goes haha.

But overall my weekend was good my best friend made the time enjoyable instead of me sitting around thinking about him.

Ive organized a plan on what I am going to do on the 30th and I am confident that everything is going to go well.

Best friend says he just doesn’t appreciate me so this time will either make him realize that what I brought to his life was irreplaceable and he was fortunate OR he will remain in his mindset. Either way she thinks my decision is the best for showing what he is willing to do for what we had together.

So if it does turn out to be that we never connect again. I will know that he just wasn’t who was for me anyways. A very long time ago I should have put him in the position to decide about me on his own. Instead I made choices and gravitated myself to him almost to where he didn’t even have to choose it because I was already in the palm of my hand. I let him affect my decision making before I should have which maybe if I hadn’t I would have corned him a lot sooner into showing me this side of him. What happens when someone isn’t basically…chasing after him.

Yeah I didn’t think about it like that….

But I am just not in the space to be able to make a move like that right now especially monetarily. Either way I know I would be just as annoyed with it all because I would be at my moms driving a hour and a half to work everyday working 11 hours of work and yeah thats just way too much. My plan is to cope till the 31st and after really ironing out my plans I am in a sort of  in a upper mood. I have something I am looking forward too.

Yesterday he made this big dramatic ass display of “getting his stuff together” so EXTRAAAA.

Best friend was like “dude dont let him stifle you…he is trying to get to you right now, hes trying to get you to come to him… probably because of me being here he knows that kind of made you happy and he wants you sad and shit. Dont even give him a reaction.”

At first it did take me back a little when I walked in the house because he had taken the curtains down and stuff. We have these really nice blackout curtains that are his and he knows I like it dark. We have them in the bedroom and livingroom (He has been sleeping in LR). I dont know what had him in his feelings. I saw all his stuff around and it just seemed like yeah hes getting all his stuff together but you touching the stuff I generally use. The curtains just annoyed the crap out of me because honestly if hes there when I get home today….he is  literally dramatic as hell. Oscar worthy, because Anita look…he has all his crap out. As if he really about to do something. Like stuff out of the cubbie storage under our bed and everything. It was almost like he wanted to disrupt my comfort by trying to take things he knows I use and use “getting my stuff together” as the excuse. It all overwhelmed me momentarily. Best friend and me had just came back from brunch; and he had left before we had left to do that so coming back in and seeing that, just got me off guard. Which I guess is what he wanted. But when they both were gone I cried for a second. Washed my face and took a old blanket and tacked it up on the wall in my room… As I said nothing in here wont happen just because he’s being a child today. Because to me regardless of people mindsets on moving. If you are going to continue to be living here for 11 days which he probably will (but shock me please lol) the curtains would be the last thing to go…because we sleep everyday. He makes no sense…whats he gon pack next his toothbrush lol..So as I said just a few sentences ago…why have all this junk out yesterday in the open if not to be putting it in your car today to take it somewhere….so we shall see in a hour 2.5hrs when I get home. Cuz if its the same as I left. He was just trying to bug me…for whatever reason.

But it felt so good to see him see me overcome even just the curtains you know. Because I KNOW he knows how much that bothered me. Especially because I had got upset when I came in he knows I would have wanted to get in bed, you know. But when he came in I had the door shut because I wanted him to have to work for it..force him to physically have to open the door to see me (*in the bright room with no curtain* like he left it, right…). He came in like he had to grab something and I just saw on his face when he saw the room dark..like “shoot she got around that” and then the cherry on top was seeing him 2 hours later when I got up I look in that BRIGHT ASS livingroom he couldnt help himself but take the curtains down from…he is in there on the couch with a blanket over his face trying to take  a nap. I just though to myself….now who look retarded lol

I dont know if you know about snapchat. but he deleted me off there today. Idc because he has done it before in other conflicts so that really didnt phase me.

But dang man I could only be so blessed as to walk in my house at 4:45 and see that he left….pridelessly my baby ass would cry. But at this point its like are you trying to hurt me?..because I am already that….. soooo if Im not getting an apology can you just GO ON