You are very welcome, kiwiboy0897. I am as safe as can be and hope you are safe too. Looking forward to your next post.

anita

Dear kiwiboy0897:

You wrote last month about your partner: “I keep questioning whether or not he is going to leave me and have this impending fear that he will.. the thought of my partner simply being friends with Steve scares me.. I can’t shake the fear.. the thought still scares me”-

-you are afraid that your partner will leave you for Steve. I will next refer to all your thoughts relating to your partner leaving you for Steve as your Fixation, adjective: fixated, verb: fixate. (I could refer to it as your Obsession, but I am choosing Fixation instead).

Whenever you are fixated, you feel scared; whenever you are anxious/ uncomfortable about anything, you tend to fixate.

What to do:

When you find yourself fixated, do the breathing-through-the-nose meditation: it is very simple, all you have to do is to focus on your nose, on the air going into your nose and out of your nose. Don’t force your breathing to be slower or deeper, just be aware of it and focus on it. This will give you a time-out from the fixation. After you feel calm, it will be possible for you to choose to not fixate next.

When you are already fixating and anxious, it is almost impossible to stop fixating. This is why you need the time out, it is necessary. Only when you are calm, as a result of the time-out, you can choose to not fixate.

Otherwise, when you notice that you are anxious/ uncomfortable (ex: hearing news about the pandemic, feeling too full after a meal, needing a shower, feeling tired…), do the breathing-through-the-nose meditation.

And don’t expect to never fixate again, take care of this moment only, and the next, one moment at a time and enjoy the calm when you are not fixating.

* It will also help if you find a way to express your childhood fear, maybe through art, drawing or painting, for the purpose of containing your fear in the time and place where it originated, so to free the here and now from that original fear. It takes time, of course, but better start the process. For example (and it is only an example, you choose what suits you): draw in a simplistic way, circle for head, lines for arms and legs, your father throwing a glass cup at your older sister’s face, and her face bleeding; draw your father with that other woman, the family friend,  and your mother at a distance looking at them; or draw your mother sad but pretending like everything is okay.

And post again anytime!

anita

 

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Dear kiwiboy:

Welcome back, what a pleasant surprise to read from you for the first time since you last posted in April 2020. Glad to read that you are still together with Steve. You are welcome to share more, if you want to. In any case, I wish you and Steve well.

anita

My friend..

My name is Wind. Sometimes the wind gently, sometimes strong and sometimes break everything up. All ideas and questions are for your quiet contemplation.

 

 

I share some ideas with you..

 

Do you know in the life there are always 2 opposites. You observe for yourself.. Try and find where there is not..

 

You share before all your troubles everything so perfect . Means..no perfect hides underneath..

 

Under good hides bad.. Under bad hides good..

 

Everything that took place with the man is only the appearance of the Law.

Everything that appeared = Of Course my friend.

 

How it began is only the occasion for everything to appear.

 

You are lucky. But you did not realize it because of your emotional attachment to the appearance of the situation.

 

I tell you..

 

You lay beside this man or another.. Is equal.

Because you are full of emotions with this object or another is equal.

 

I don’t talk about detail of your situation but everything that began with the man and the other is their cause and effect. On the time everything appears.

 

Now you begin volunteering to become a slave to your emotions attached to the object outside of you.

Now you suddenly felt worthless because of the dirty situation outside of you..

 

Where are you my friend?

You volunteer to lost yourself?

 

Now you begin all sorts of unbalanced behaviour from situation.

 

My friend.. If something begins means on the time it must end. How it ends is only the appearance. Short or long is only the appearance.

 

How is to build a life together?

Meaning without the man you did not have your life?

 

What is the value of your Soul?

What is the purpose of the life?

Your life?

 

My friend..

 

Mistake of everyone is from not enough confidence and courage they grasp in imagining of how they want things to be.

But.. Always running like the mouse on the wheel.

 

From grasping they enter deeper and deeper trouble from can not escape the emotions of attachment. And so.. They receive there effect on the time.

 

The life always moves and changes my life.

Begin and end is one.

 

What is the nature of end? Means.. Another begin wait for you.. More possibilities ready to be discovered.. Ready waiting for you.

 

If you wake up you would be grateful for everything happen because from situation everything appears before you to see clearly the nature of the man.

 

Remember that everything that takes place outside of you is not you.

 

All your troubles are caused by your emotions of attachment. When you are feeling angry, upset, sad, hateful..

You are stuck in a self created prison.

My friend only you are destroying you.

 

To stop. To respect the purpose of your life and Soul takes enormous courage and confidence.

 

Love that is pure can never become anything else. It has no beginning or ending.

It is free from all attachments and changing emotions.

 

Really.. That is the love you have my friend?

 

In the process of chasing imaginary outcomes every one did murder the love for their own lives and Soul.

 

Ready to fly around the cage of limitation and say they feel so happy.

 

My friend..

 

In the life. On the time everything appears.

How it appears is only the occasion when enough details and conditions connected.

 

I don’t say you must do this or that. Because only you can choose this or that.

 

When something suddenly appears in the life, the habit is to immediately judge it to be bad.. Hurtful.. Etc..

 

But how many times did the life help everyone to escape their illusion of a situation.. Opened everything to escape and not waste time?

But they refused to see.

 

Your life is your life my friend.

Only you can save you or destroy you.

 

So.. I share.. Story..

 

A bird is put into a cage.

In the beginning it only tries to escape.

It’s wings are strong and fresh.

Always fighting for the way back to the freedom of the open skies.

But.. Over time….

When the door of the cage is opened..

It refuses to leave.. Tired.. Fear..

The cage has become the permanent house of suffering and habit from the fear of freedom.

Wings lost purpose. Only an old memory of the past.

 

In your life.. You must always choose..

 

Your Soul is the bird in cage or the bird that has the courage to keep flying with open wings and discover the vast possibilities of your life.

Always depends upon you my friend.

 

Must courage.

 

Wish you good luck.

 

Thank you so much.

 

Wind.