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Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 75 total)
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  • #345950
    kiwiboy
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thanks for all of your input. I am trying to move forward from this, and am due to post the activity you recommended.

    Hope you’re staying safe through all that’s happening!

    kiwiboy0897

    #345952
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are very welcome, kiwiboy0897. I am as safe as can be and hope you are safe too. Looking forward to your next post.

    anita

    #346378
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiwiboy0897:

    A note to let you know that I am thinking about you and hoping you are okay.

    anita

    #346470
    kiwiboy
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    Thank you. I have been meaning to post, but everything is quite full on at the moment. I hope you’re well, and will post properly soon.

    Sincerely,

    kiwiboy0897

    #346476
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiwiboy0897:

    When I left you the note earlier today, I was under the incorrect  impression that it’s been way longer than the 2.5 days since we last communicated. I have no intent of rushing you, so please take your time and keep yourself as safe as possible.

    anita

    #351480
    kiwiboy
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m sorry for being so MIA lately. Things have been good, but I have almost mentally relapsed or reverted back to bad thinking habits.

    Its difficult for me to accept that my partner said to Steve “I’m falling for you.” Would appreciate your guidance.

    Regards,

    kiwiboy0897

    #351514
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiwiboy0897:

    Welcome back, no need to apologize for infrequency of posting: you can post anytime you want.

    Will you remind me: when was it that your  partner told Steve “I’m falling for you”?

    Also: any news regarding contact between partner and Steve, in the gym or elsewhere;  any changes in your partner’s behavior otherwise?

    anita

    #351708
    kiwiboy
    Participant

    Hi,

    It was the day everything happened. The day they went to breakfast after the gym, the same day he told me and confessed everything. He said it came out wrong.

    No change in my partners behaviour. He has remained consistent.

    Regards,

    kiwiboy0897

    #351740
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiwiboy0897:

    Two days ago, you wrote: “I have almost mentally relapsed or reverted back to bad thinking habits”- this was to be expected. Even if today, as you are reading my words here, you are feeling good, not at all worried about your partner and Steve, it is only a matter of time before you will worry again. Anxiety and fixating/ obsessing go together like peas and carrots; they don’t just disappear because you understand something today that you didn’t understand yesterday, or because you feel good today.

    Fixating/ obsessing (I used the term OCD before, but I want to avoid the diagnostic term today because you weren’t diagnosed with OCD, as far as I know) is a habit of the mind. At this point, your fixation on Steve and your partner is a mental habit which is very, very hard to break.

    It may help when you fixate, if you read our previous communications here on your thread: the analogies of the itch that needs to be scratched, the elevator, these helped you in the past, and may help you again. The fact that you got fixated again doesn’t mean that what helped you before wasn’t helpful, it just means that you need to re-read it/ take it in again.

    I want this post to sink in a bit, so I will separate it from my next post. Please read my next post after you absorb this one.

    anita

     

    #351744
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiwiboy0897:

    You wrote last month about your partner: “I keep questioning whether or not he is going to leave me and have this impending fear that he will.. the thought of my partner simply being friends with Steve scares me.. I can’t shake the fear.. the thought still scares me”-

    -you are afraid that your partner will leave you for Steve. I will next refer to all your thoughts relating to your partner leaving you for Steve as your Fixation, adjective: fixated, verb: fixate. (I could refer to it as your Obsession, but I am choosing Fixation instead).

    Whenever you are fixated, you feel scared; whenever you are anxious/ uncomfortable about anything, you tend to fixate.

    What to do:

    When you find yourself fixated, do the breathing-through-the-nose meditation: it is very simple, all you have to do is to focus on your nose, on the air going into your nose and out of your nose. Don’t force your breathing to be slower or deeper, just be aware of it and focus on it. This will give you a time-out from the fixation. After you feel calm, it will be possible for you to choose to not fixate next.

    When you are already fixating and anxious, it is almost impossible to stop fixating. This is why you need the time out, it is necessary. Only when you are calm, as a result of the time-out, you can choose to not fixate.

    Otherwise, when you notice that you are anxious/ uncomfortable (ex: hearing news about the pandemic, feeling too full after a meal, needing a shower, feeling tired…), do the breathing-through-the-nose meditation.

    And don’t expect to never fixate again, take care of this moment only, and the next, one moment at a time and enjoy the calm when you are not fixating.

    * It will also help if you find a way to express your childhood fear, maybe through art, drawing or painting, for the purpose of containing your fear in the time and place where it originated, so to free the here and now from that original fear. It takes time, of course, but better start the process. For example (and it is only an example, you choose what suits you): draw in a simplistic way, circle for head, lines for arms and legs, your father throwing a glass cup at your older sister’s face, and her face bleeding; draw your father with that other woman, the family friend,  and your mother at a distance looking at them; or draw your mother sad but pretending like everything is okay.

    And post again anytime!

    anita

     

    .

    #382246
    kiwiboy
    Participant

    Hi,

    To all concerned or wondering, my partner and I are still together. I feel as if we’re stronger now than we’ve ever been. Stay hopeful and willing x

    kiwiboy0897

    #382252
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiwiboy:

    Welcome back, what a pleasant surprise to read from you for the first time since you last posted in April 2020. Glad to read that you are still together with Steve. You are welcome to share more, if you want to. In any case, I wish you and Steve well.

    anita

    #382255
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear kiwiboy:

    I am so sorry, I just realized I referred to your boyfriend by the wrong name, the name of a person that caused you a lot of distress. My mistake.

    anita

    #382257
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My friend..

    My name is Wind. Sometimes the wind gently, sometimes strong and sometimes break everything up. All ideas and questions are for your quiet contemplation.

     

     

    I share some ideas with you..

     

    Do you know in the life there are always 2 opposites. You observe for yourself.. Try and find where there is not..

     

    You share before all your troubles everything so perfect . Means..no perfect hides underneath..

     

    Under good hides bad.. Under bad hides good..

     

    Everything that took place with the man is only the appearance of the Law.

    Everything that appeared = Of Course my friend.

     

    How it began is only the occasion for everything to appear.

     

    You are lucky. But you did not realize it because of your emotional attachment to the appearance of the situation.

     

    I tell you..

     

    You lay beside this man or another.. Is equal.

    Because you are full of emotions with this object or another is equal.

     

    I don’t talk about detail of your situation but everything that began with the man and the other is their cause and effect. On the time everything appears.

     

    Now you begin volunteering to become a slave to your emotions attached to the object outside of you.

    Now you suddenly felt worthless because of the dirty situation outside of you..

     

    Where are you my friend?

    You volunteer to lost yourself?

     

    Now you begin all sorts of unbalanced behaviour from situation.

     

    My friend.. If something begins means on the time it must end. How it ends is only the appearance. Short or long is only the appearance.

     

    How is to build a life together?

    Meaning without the man you did not have your life?

     

    What is the value of your Soul?

    What is the purpose of the life?

    Your life?

     

    My friend..

     

    Mistake of everyone is from not enough confidence and courage they grasp in imagining of how they want things to be.

    But.. Always running like the mouse on the wheel.

     

    From grasping they enter deeper and deeper trouble from can not escape the emotions of attachment. And so.. They receive there effect on the time.

     

    The life always moves and changes my life.

    Begin and end is one.

     

    What is the nature of end? Means.. Another begin wait for you.. More possibilities ready to be discovered.. Ready waiting for you.

     

    If you wake up you would be grateful for everything happen because from situation everything appears before you to see clearly the nature of the man.

     

    Remember that everything that takes place outside of you is not you.

     

    All your troubles are caused by your emotions of attachment. When you are feeling angry, upset, sad, hateful..

    You are stuck in a self created prison.

    My friend only you are destroying you.

     

    To stop. To respect the purpose of your life and Soul takes enormous courage and confidence.

     

    Love that is pure can never become anything else. It has no beginning or ending.

    It is free from all attachments and changing emotions.

     

    Really.. That is the love you have my friend?

     

    In the process of chasing imaginary outcomes every one did murder the love for their own lives and Soul.

     

    Ready to fly around the cage of limitation and say they feel so happy.

     

    My friend..

     

    In the life. On the time everything appears.

    How it appears is only the occasion when enough details and conditions connected.

     

    I don’t say you must do this or that. Because only you can choose this or that.

     

    When something suddenly appears in the life, the habit is to immediately judge it to be bad.. Hurtful.. Etc..

     

    But how many times did the life help everyone to escape their illusion of a situation.. Opened everything to escape and not waste time?

    But they refused to see.

     

    Your life is your life my friend.

    Only you can save you or destroy you.

     

    So.. I share.. Story..

     

    A bird is put into a cage.

    In the beginning it only tries to escape.

    It’s wings are strong and fresh.

    Always fighting for the way back to the freedom of the open skies.

    But.. Over time….

    When the door of the cage is opened..

    It refuses to leave.. Tired.. Fear..

    The cage has become the permanent house of suffering and habit from the fear of freedom.

    Wings lost purpose. Only an old memory of the past.

     

    In your life.. You must always choose..

     

    Your Soul is the bird in cage or the bird that has the courage to keep flying with open wings and discover the vast possibilities of your life.

    Always depends upon you my friend.

     

    Must courage.

     

    Wish you good luck.

     

    Thank you so much.

     

    Wind.

    #393107
    kiwiboy
    Participant

    Hi Wind,

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I am slightly confused with the point you are trying to get across.

     

    Thanks for your contribution,

    kiwiboy

Viewing 15 posts - 61 through 75 (of 75 total)

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