Dear Katie:

As you know you were responsible for your bf getting beaten by your dog. I am sure you apologized to him and you did take the action of setting an apt with a behaviorist.

This is my input: for as long as you choose to keep your dog and until you have reasonable assurance that he no longer is inclined to bite, keep him separate and inaccessible to any person so he cannot physically bite anyone, including your bf and be careful yourself.

Then be very understanding about your bf reaction to your dog, his lack of trust in your dog and his pessimism that the problem can be resolved by a behaviorist and by any kind of training. Do not now or in the future accuse your bf of his sentiments about your dog. He was bitten and his negative feeling is understandable and reasonable. If your bf changes his feeling for your dog in the future, it would be a nice surprise but do not expect or demand it from him.

Take care:
anita

Katie, do not beat yourself up over the incident with your dog and boyfriend. Perhaps you were careless but what’s done is done. You make mistakes, not because you are flawed but because you react in a way you understand, and our understanding is always limited. We are creatures of habit and how we treat and assess others, be it carelessly or not, we learned at some point in our life where that response worked. Once a response or habit is ingrained it’s hard to break and we all face different hurtles in the path to breaking it. I’m telling you this because I got the impression that you beat yourself up a lot but you shouldn’t, it wastes your energy on a pattern of thinking that doesn’t even make sense. Be compassionate to yourself.

It sounds like you’re between a rock and a hard place, your boyfriend and your dog. If you look at yourself objectively and ask yourself can I really put in the time and energy to heal my dog and feel you can’t, it’s time for a change. Find your dog a home that will heal him. If you are sure you can, than do your very best to heal him. Go all the way. Use the knowledge of the trainers and all you’ve learned. If you think your boyfriend is wrong in his handling of him, which it sounds like he might be if force is his main response, tell him respectfully. Ultimately this dog is your responsibility, not his, and you have to do what you think is best. Yes he was bitten by the dog and that can make him resentful, but what’s done is done, all that can be done now is be kind and understanding towards each other. Don’t bring your dog around your boyfriend if all it does is incite negativity, but work on that dog if you’re going to keep him! A violent dog is a very serious matter, know what you’re getting into.

As far as your boyfriend goes don’t let him berate you over past mistakes anytime your dog is discussed, because in truth that does neither of you any good. Resentment never made any couple closer! At the same time make amends to him for your dog’s behavior by being compassionate and maybe doing kind gestures. The biggest advice I think I can give you is know when a situation has become too much for you. All you can do is your best. If your limit is met with that dog give him up, if your best apologies is not enough for your boyfriend than walk away or change the situation if he’s willing. Know when it’s not your fight anymore because you did your part.

Previous post was from classic dog lover 🙂