Hi Anita,

I have been doing so much better. Every day that passes it gets better. Had a conversation with Christopher and I realised that all the things I had thought we had him and I were all imagined. Talking to this guy objectively and I realised every single thing he does is calculated. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a ploy.  It’s been rather disappointing that I gave so much of my heart to someone that doesn’t even deserve common human decency. you know he had a very hard childhood growing up. I can kinda liken his situation to how the abused becomes an abuser too.  I got the vibe that he thinks because he had a tough childhood he is justified in being mean and using people so that he gets his way. he is not a nice human being.

So he says to me that when he was breaking up with me he never imagined that things would be this bad. As in us becoming total strangers. listening to this guy talking like that convinced me even more that this is a man that is driven by success without ever finding out who he is.  all that matters to him is acknowledgement from others. In his mind, he thinks this will make him happy.  I think its quite sad, to be honest with you.

I turned down a marriage proposal and broke up with my current long-distance boyfriend.  I made the mistake of getting involved with someone else in the hopes of trying to get over Christopher. Freddie is a very strange man and I always got a weird vibe off of him.

He kept pushing to get married, but I guess it’s because I have a stable job and he is looking for someone to take care of him.  I nipped that in the bud.  He sounded disappointed but I was not going to risk my son’s safety for anyone. He is a divorcee and the circumstances of the divorce that was narrated to me did not convince me. I felt like I needed to get the ex’s perspective too.

All in all, I have been doing so much better. My therapy sessions have been going well. I have another one today and I am hoping that I get to unlock more of myself.

I will definitely keep you updated on my progress if you are interested.

Regards,

Elizabeth.

Hi Anita,

I had another therapy session and this week I have a task to write a letter to my ex. I will not be giving it to me but my therapist says sometimes it helps us see things from a different perspective once we visualize them. he says when you write your thoughts down you are adding reality to them and as such we tend to be more objective on the things that we read.  it helps de-personalize it and takes out the biased from the situation.  then next I am going to write a list of qualities that I am looking for in friends and possibly a future partner.

this is something that I am willing to try. talking about looking for someone we can depend on in our lives, this describes exactly what I was going through at the time that I met Christopher.  I had just lost my sister, the only other person that I shared really deep secrets with.  that month had been a gruesome month.

My younger sister died from AIDS. whenever I think of her my heart breaks. I found all this out in the same month that she passed.  the worst part is I also got to learn that Both my parents are HIV positive and had been living with this disease for a very long time and no one had bothered to tell me about it. a month after finding out the truth about her illness my sister passed.  it’s at this point that I met Christopher.  the fact that he was able to share with me his own life story and that his mother was equally positive is something that made me bond with him so quickly.  it felt like I could relate to him.

I will write more about it in my post.

Regards,

Elizabeth.

Hi Anita,

Below is the first exchange we had had after over 2 months. I am trying to give you a clear picture of where am coming from. seeing this is heartbreaking, but it’s not the type of heartbreak that is immobilizing anymore.

From: Elizabeth

To: Christopher

Subject: Get a clue

You are a joke.

My hope is that you’ll finally forgive me that you’ll let go of the hurt that I’ve caused you even as we go on being total strangers.

It’s not me that has to forgive you. Staying angry at you would be wasting more time on you than I already have.  It’s you that has to forgive yourself for being a despicable human being.

You are selfish and arrogant and everything that comes out of your mouth is nothing but meaningless wordplay. I honestly believe you don’t know how to be genuine.  People like you make the world very unpleasant for a lot of people. You can keep playing your games. ‘” Everyone likes me, everyone thinks am nice” I know better. But then again I honestly believe you don’t even know how to be honest with yourself.

Everything is about you, Christopher.  Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, you do.

It’s all about the impressions and being liked.  I feel sorry for you.  People like you never get to know who they are…

And now that the high of showing Elizabeth what you are made of is done, you are trying to find absolution from the same place you burnt down so that you can ease your mind so that you can feel better about yourself. Despite everything that you have done you are truly selfish to the very end. You still want to take Christopher. All you do is take.  You don’t know how to give. You truly are a taker.  You take, take and take more. Now you want my forgiveness so that you ease your mind. Still taking… you are like a Grim Reaper.  Christopher, I don’t owe you any absolution, I don’t owe you any forgiveness. There is none here for you.

Even when you ask for forgiveness, it has nothing to do with me.  I know for a fact you are doing this because you don’t like how you feel about yourself (still selfish).  I am certain you are not sorry. Anyone who is capable of cutting someone who is already down and broken is not a human being that is capable of genuine remorse.  I am so sick of people like you thinking that you can do whatever you want and then backtrack with a weak apology. You keep playing games because you don’t know how to be genuine and sincere.  This is all you know, play games and make meaningless apologies. I am neither impressed nor moved by you or your antics.

I don’t need your apology, Christopher. Keep it.  I am doing just fine without it.

Find your absolution somewhere else

“that you’ll let go of the hurt that I’ve caused you” Why on earth would I hold on to any anger towards you? Anger is reserved for people who deserve absolution. You don’t.

From: Christopher
To: Elizabeth
Subject: RE: Get a clue.

If I don’t, no one else will. You know I’m full of it so why would I cut it now?

Work well you special ones.

From: Elizabeth
To: Christopher
Subject: RE: Get a clue.

You give yourself too much credit. You are not that SPECIAL. Please cut the BS

Regards,

Elizabeth 

From: Christopher
To: Elizabeth
Subject: RE: Get a clue.

Elizabeth,

It’s ok, I understand you. It’s ok for you not to talk to me again and I know well now not to greet you again.

My hope is that you’ll finally forgive me that you’ll let go of the hurt that i’ve caused you even as we go on being total strangers.

Regards,

Christopher

P.S. I did not have to reply but I chose to.

From: Elizabeth
To: Christopher
Subject: Get a clue.

Christopher,

I am not one to say things without thinking.  I always try to be thoughtful with my words even when dealing with people I don’t particularly care for.

That being said I have this to say to you.  And it’s my earnest and most sincere hope that this is the VERY last time I will have to communicate with you in any manner.

Please stop greeting me.  I am not interested in your greeting. I don’t want it. I don’t need it.

I categorically have no wish, desire, need nor want to know how you are doing and vice versa.  It’s not my business and I just don’t care.

I know you have issues with people thinking negatively about you. At this point, it’s not my business to keep your persona in a positive light.

Leave me out of it. Deal with it whichever way you please just leave me out of it.

I don’t want any part of it.

Nonchalantly,

Elizabeth.

P.S. No reply required.