Dear Risha

I just read your post. I don’t know exactly how to console you because you just cannot forget love that easily. But I think if you really move to some other place , it is going to be helpful. And please talk to people. We cannot talk to the OFFLINE friends of ours most of the time as they are busy and happy with their lives. But WE are here for you. The ONLINE friends. We will walk the path together and I pray all your pains go away very soon and you be the best of yourself. I pray your mind can learn from this and make you a very strong person and a happy one too.

Best regards

Someone

Dear Risha:

I understand. And so, you are ready to move on, having forgiven him, content with not having any future communication to him or from him?

I do hope you are ready. From personal experience, I know the way forward is not smooth, not without bumps. I hope you post again anytime you come across a bump in the way. I will be glad to reply, anytime you post, if you want me to.

I will be back in about sixteen hours, be good to yourself!

anita

I’ve posted numerous times in the past year in a half and have had many moments where I have cried in my car, at home, in bed and etc. Eventually at some point you stop crying so much, eventually you face it but it takes a long time. I’m not going to tell you that it’s not hard because it is. I still struggle from time to time and I still wonder how he got the guts to do that to me, so you will too. You will ask the same questions over and over and try to rationalize. It’s so hard to understand his actions and why he did what he did. At some point we have to stop repeating the past in our heads and look into the future. I’m hoping you heal from this as fast as possible and I hope one day both of us come back to this forum and laugh at our posts when we are happily married. I hope we reach that goal one day but with time and belief I’m sure we will. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well and keep yourself busy. The more you sit and dwell on things it really messes with your mind… been there and still fall in that hole from time to time. The key is to dig yourself out of that hole.  Keep us posted… have a good day/night!

If you’re e we in CA let me know!

Be safe <3

Hugs Risha,

Quite a few years ago,  I was in a relationship of 7-8 years with a man who showed himself to be extremely dishonest.  I caught him cheating on me red-handed. I think he did many selfish things and constantly needed attention.  I felt so hurt and traumatised at the end of that relationship. I too went into the relationship not long after my father died.

Its been quite a few years now,  and I truly thank God that I did not marry him,  or worse – have children with me.

After the relationship ended,  and he had burnt more bridges with more wonen,  he tried to worm his way back into my life.   Dont be surprised if your ex tries this too.  Fortunately,  when this happened,  I just felt so grossed out by things he had done,  that I wouldnt let him back in my life.  My life has turned out so much better without him.  Yours will too.

Forgive yourself for sprnding that timr with him.  From time to time,  I feel like kicking myself for whst I see as wasting years,  but a friend pointed out to me that my real soulmate,  if there is such a person,  may not have been ready and available to meet me in the years I was invoinvolved with that one.

So many good things are going to happen for ypu,  and your life can now start opening up.

Dear Risha:

My feeling is that it is his loss, really. He could have had you in his life, how fortunate he could have been!

And no need to apologize for answering the phone, it is your life, you have the right to make your own choices in your life. (And it was not a bad choice).

Well, now you know what he wanted to say to you. Why does he wants your forgiveness and promise that you marry another man? Answer: it will make him feel better if you give him these two things, forgiveness and that promise. It is a sort of a gift that he is asking for.

When a person asks for forgiveness he or she has to express clearly what it is he is asking forgiveness for, what it is that he did wrong. And he hasn’t done that, didn’t tell you that he was looking for and communicating with another woman (his current girlfriend) while in an intimate relationship with you.

Even if he did tell you specifically the wrong doings he wants you to forgive him for, you don’t have to. You don’t have to give him this gift of forgiveness nor do you have to make him a promise of any kind.

Also, you wrote earlier: “she looks so happy with him and enjoying every moment”- not when she checked your LinkedIn profile, it was not happiness that led her to check your profile. You wrote: “now he belongs to her”- no, he doesn’t belong to her. People don’t belong to people.

anita