Hey Sapna

I can understand what you are going through because I am in your shoes too. But I would like to tell you just keep on trying (meditation etc.) as it will help you get out of this slowly and steadily.Its been 2 months since me and my ex husband parted ways. You should be thankful to god that you were not married to this guy atleast.I was less fortunate than you and got married to sumone who least deserved me and my love. I know its easier said than done but just imagine you would have been completly broken if all this would have happened after marriage. Also, remember one thing always until and unless you start loving yourself,you cannot love others,This is what I am trying to do. Go for morning walks,change your hairstyle and for that matter go and give yourself a complete makeover. This may sound bizarre but trust me you will really feel good about yourself. He was not a hero or anything,it was you who gave him that position in your life. Trust me,you deserve far far better person than him who will keep you as a princess.And then who knows you will look back and laugh at the whole thing which happened to you.Take lessons from your past and remember not to make same mistakes in the future.

I am not very good with words but I hope that this will help.Remember one things life is too short to drool over your past.Move on,love those people who love you and first and foremost love yourself.

Takecare and stay in touch..

lods of Love

Neesa

Hi sap nap 3, remember that you and I both share very similar stories and I can understand what you are feeling. My ex and I hadn’t spoken for almost a month when I received a text message saying, “hey sorry for bugging you but did my new drivers license arrive?” last Tuesday. A first I double checked my phone and couldn’t believe it was him, for a moment I had even forgotten we were ever together but then soon after feeling anxious, nervous, and the goose bumps I replied that all his mail had been returned to sender. Didn’t hear anything else after that and I didn’t even call or text back anything. I texted my closest friend and first thing that was said was ” don’t read too much into it or analyze what was just a simple text.” At first I was okay then soon after two days passed I guess I began to hope that maybe he would have texted again, I was wrong. I started feeling like you but you know what, at some point both you and I and everyone that is in our position really need to move past what has happened. Living sad, depressed, overwhelmed, worried, angry, and disappointed will get us nowhere..life is passing us by because we are dwelling on something that possibly would have ended either way in time. These men that we claim to love have moved on not once caring to look for us or contact us and we are still isolating ourselves from the world and the possibilities of a greater life. Whether it was our fault or theirs, the point is they broke up with us because they had already made the decision to end something that wasn’t working. Plus, maybe they knew we really wanted out subconsciously but as women felt that in time our issues would work themselves out. Thing is sometimes some relationships arent meant to be, doesnt mean that your guy didnt or doesnt love you, but sometimes you have to let someone go because they are not good to be around. Sometimes I think the fact that they ended it maybe took away us having the last word. Do you feel you would have been stronger had u done the breaking up? Felt like you had won the battle you both were fighting? Truth is sapnap our storiesmare so similar that when i read your story i truly feel that maybe you held on to something that was never really there. matt and john said it best to me when they said i created the person i wanted him to be in my head but he was never really there. They possibly did us a big favor woman, can’t see it right now but in time u will. I have good day, bad days, and some weirded out days but I’m progressing. Anytime u wanna talk just contact me.

Hi Sapnap,

Well, the fact that I am here in this thread should tell you that I too am going through something similar. It is quite sad, though I am glad we are here for each other now. 🙂
After reading the entire thread and analysing my own situation for about two months now, I feel that all your answers are hidden in this thread itself.
The reason behind all of it is you and only you yourself.

You admit that you have a problem listening to your instincts. I think this is the first point of mistake. What happens when we stop listening to ourselves is that we start expecting someone else to tell us what to do and what not to. Which in the end only makes us a parasite. We lose our power to contribute to the next persons’ growth and it starts suffocating them. Just like you mentioned, nobody wants to be a hero. Each one us want to grow. Probably you were not contributing to his growth any more.

You have to start believing in yourself, in your thoughts, in your ability to judge situations instinctively. Believe me, you will start feeling much more natural/comfortable with yourself and everything genuine starts appealing. The fake automatically fades away!

As far as echoing his thoughts in you mind goes, realise that these are your thoughts instead. It is because you agreed with him and somewhere deep down knew what he said was right, you imbibed it. So it is based on your sense of judgement at the end of the day. Because you carry that sense of right and wrong.

Nobody is perfect in this world. But people make it Big! And really big! Just because they believe in themselves and their true instincts.

Sit down with yourself. Don’t try to distract yourself or keep yourself entertained by engaging with people unnecessarily. Just talk to yourself. Believe me, nobody else can appreciate your emotions as much as you can. Not even that guy, even if he returned. These are your feelings and only you can do justice to them by paying the due attention they deserve.

Love yourself, you are as much a creation of God as anyone else is.

Lots of Love

You put him in that position? You want to apologize to him?

That kind of guilt is just your ego talking.

If you think he wants an apology, perhaps you want to be the center of his universe. You want him to raise you on a pedestal and acknowledge your fall by getting your apology. You want him to pine after you. Once again, a lot ego to want him to think that you’re that important.

It’s not healthy for you to idealize him and it wouldn’t be healthy for him to treat you like the source of his happiness.

If he didn’t like where things were going or what was happening, he could have walked out much earlier. But he stayed until the situation got to where it was, where your feelings took you where you were, and where you said and did the things you said and did. His role in this equation is as equal to yours. When an adult mindlessly walks into a war zone and gets shot, you can’t just blame the sniper. Like you said, takes two to tango.

So much should’a could’a would’a going on. That’s the past. The question is, what are you going to do now?

Way to go John!!! Tough love is what you give and sometimes it’s that lil kick in the butt that helps us see the light from the darkness..I sooooooo appreciate what you have advised everyone incl myself..bet you must have gone through something similar, and if you came out ahead so can we. Every time I catch myself slipping into the danger zone (GO TOP GUN) I read your advice and I snap out of it. Keep his advice as well as matts in mind, they both have made major points. If you still wish to talk sapnap3 I responded to your email so we,can chat. Continue striving for the best and for great healing.